Wine Mama (18) - The Bonding

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (18)

THE BONDING

INT: GATOR TAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-SAME DAY-P.M.

BRIAN INTERVIEWING PROSPECTIVE NEW HIRE

BRIAN

"So, I see here that you cooked in Vegas, ah...you were head chef at the Aztec Inn and Casino...don't think I'm familiar with that one...where on Las Vegas Boulevard is that at?"

JAMES ROLLINGS-PROSPECTIVE NEW HIRE

"It's next door to the Stratosphere."

BRIAN

"Okay, how many people did you manage?"

JAMES

"Six!"

BRIAN

"Oh, then you had a pretty good sized kitchen?"

JAMES

"We had a hot plate and a microwave, I mean...it wasn't a very big kitchen."

BRIAN

"Must have been crowded in there."

JAMES

"Well, they all weren't in there at the same time...three shifts."

BRIAN

"So, what kind of menu did you handle?"

JAMES

"Eggs, any style, bacon, pancakes, sausages, most of it was already made next door at the Pizza Barn...all we had to do was heat it up!"

BRIAN

"Well, fine John, I think we have all your information...we'll be giving you a call if you get selected, probably on Friday."

JAMES

"Well, I'll come by and just check because my cell phone is out of minutes."

BRIAN

"Okay, that will work, too!"

JAMES

"One more thing Mister Cashman, ah...can I come and crash out over at your house?"

BRIAN

"No James, I'm sorry you can't...lady of the house has her rules!"

JAMES

"Like that song, yea, everybody funny, now you funny, too!

BRIAN

"Yea, something like that...have a good afternoon James..."

(scene switch)

EXT: MODESTO VINEYARDS-P.M.

SANDY IN THE VINEYARDS WEARING SHORT-SHORTS, A HALTER TOP, FLIP-FLOPS, AND ONE OF FRANK'S OLD GUN BELTS WITH A LOADED FORTY-FIVE CALIBER SMITH AND WESSON IN THE HOLSTER, I-PHONE HANGING FROM BELT, PLAYING DONNA SUMMER'S "SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY" OFF THE I-TUNES

A SEALED SUPER CUP WITH A STRAW HANGING OUT, FILLED WITH PORT WINE OVER ICE CUBES SITTING ON THE GROUND

SANDY TALKING TO PLANTS, CARESSING THEM

WALKING UP TO A GROUP OF THEM, TAKING SNIPS WITH HER PRUNER

SANDY

"OK, my wine babies, who got my oozy juice...who feels like making Mama some grapes?"

TAKES SNIP OF A BRANCH

SANDY

"Awe, nothing...you already went to heaven, you poor thing!"

WALKS OVER TO THE NEXT VINE, GIVES IT A CLIP

GREEN OOZE STARTS COMING OUT 

SANDY

"Alright, got me a trooper, time for a toast!"

REACHES DOWN AND TAKES HEALTHY SUCK OFF THE STRAW

I-PHONE STARTS PLAYING RINGTONE OF ELTON JOHN'S "HARMONY"-"Hello baby hello, haven't seen your face in a while..."

SANDY SEEING BRIAN'S NAME ON PHONE

SANDY

"Hello Gator tater...whatcha doin?"

BRIAN

"Oh, just interviewing candidates for a couple of positions, just about ready to roll out of here, what are you up to?"

SANDY

"Looking for the green ooze out here in the vineyard...found six live ones and six dead ones, so the game is tied up so far!"

BRIAN

Sandy, I hope your back there on the roads away from the road, cause we still don't know if anyone might see you, we still don't really know if anyone is watching or not...you know I worry..."

SANDY

"Don't worry about me...I got Frank's old forty-five strapped on...I'll blow their shit away if they mess with me!"

BRIAN

"Sandy, have you been drinking?"

SANDY

"A little bit..."

BRIAN

"Great...drunk girl with a loaded gun...a match made in heaven!"

SANDY

"What did you say?"

BRIAN

"Never mind...alright, I'm bringing some tenderloins, taters, stuffed squash, and a little German chocolate cheese cake...I made it myself, off my new menu."

SANDY

"Sounds tasty...hey, hey...I already know how I want to want to eat my cheesecake!"

BRIAN

"Let me guess...it has nothing to do with a pie plate?"

SANDY TAKING ANOTHER BIG SIP OF WINE FROM THE STRAW

SANDY

"Nope...I'm going to wrap it around your ding-dong and such it off!"

LONG PAUSE

BRIAN

"Well that's a hell of a serving suggestion, if I ever heard one...I'll definitely be there for that!"

SANDY

"You certainly better be..."

BRIAN

"Anyway, Love ya girl, I'll be over there within the hour...don't shoot me, I'll be the one in the van...bye!"

SANDY

"Bye-bye big boy..."

(scene switch)

EXT: MODESTO CITY JAIL-4 P.M.

JOHN HEINZ LEANING UP AGAINST HIS RANGE ROVER PARKED ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE JAIL, SEEING TWO MEN LEAVING JAIL, WAVES THEM OVER

JOHN

"You coming for Sid?"

JACK MELLON-CAUCASIAN, CURLY HAIR, TEETH MISSING, SIX FOOT, ONE-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY POUNDS. 

BILL CANTOR-BLACK, BALD, PERFECT TEETH, SIX FOOT-TWO, TWO HUNDRED POUNDS

JACK

"Nice to be out, but what's the deal here...are you a cop, a P.I., we met Sid in Chino lock-up, then we got blindfolded and they transferred us here...real trip man!"

BILLY

"Where are we anyway, that van was blocked out...so when I tried to peek, nothing dude...all I know is that it was long fucking ride?"

JOHN

"Well, you two gentlemen are going to help us out of a little problem...oh, by the way..we're in Modesto, California!"

JACK

"I knew we were going north...I could feel the energy, like a human compass, migrating with the birds..."

JOHN

"Are you always this philosophic?"

BILLY

"Oh, Jack's a trip, he was the only inmate with followers..."

JOHN

"Really, like the Druids or the Wickins?"

JACK

"No, the Bush people...followers of the Holy bud man!"


JOHN

"Okay, just a few questions, till I get to my proposal here...now it says here in your files, that both of you had last borrowed a semi-truck, apparently without permission?"


BILLY

"Yeah, it was a truck full of wine from Sheffield, we were hit them while they were asleep, like it was nothing man."


JACK

"But then, we started drinking the stuff, I guess we passed out."


BILLY

"When we woke up, they were cuffing us up."


JACK

"So, what's the pitch man, this must be something good?"


JOHN

"Yea, we have some homesteaders with a little vineyard just on the other side of town, who have over stayed their welcome...so we need you guys to go over and convince them to leave."


BILLY

"What if they don't take the hint?"


JOHN

"Well, you just take care of business at that point...bag 'em up, collect after you pass go, and everybody's happy...so now, I'm taking you to eat, then to bed, just chill out, you'll be getting two-fifty a piece tonight, when the jobs done you'll get the other forty-seven fifty like Sid had discussed with you...however, my boss tells me if you can do him another favor on a third victim...I mean party, he can get you an extra ten K a piece...that's if your interested...what do you think?"


BILLY

"Yea, they got a Dick's Sporting Goods around here. we need to pick up some tools and stuff?"


JOHN

"But Sids, already got you some pieces, already cleaned, cleared ,and loaded!"


JACK

"Dude, we got two strikes already, last thing we need is a weapons charge!"


BILLY

"Yea, take us over to Dick's Sporting Goods in the morning, if that works?"


JOHN

"What are you guys getting...slingshots?"


JACK

"Yea, something like that..."


JOHN

""Well, let me know the cost on whatever your getting, cause I'm using cash...no credit cards here!"


JOHN PULLS INTO DENNY'S


BILLY

"Man, I haven't been to one of these in years!"


JOHN

"So what's your favorite...that Grand Slam Breakfast, or that good strip steak, good value?"


BILLY

"No man, last time I was at Denny's, I stole the whole cash register...just picked the whole thing up and hobbled out the door...that fucker was heavy, too!"


JOHN

"Why did you take the register?"


BILLY

"Lady was busy waitin on a table...I told her I was in a rush, bitch just blew me off..telling me to wait my turn, so I tried reaching over, pushing all the buttons, but nothing was happening, couldn't open it up...so I just thought, gotta go, took it down the alley, threw it down on the ground, popped right open, money was flying all over the place..."


JOHN

"How much did you get?"


BILLY

"They just got through with breakfast...thing was stuffed, think I got about four-hundred and fifty or so out of that sucker...they do real good business with that breakfast stuff!"


EVERYBODY LAUGHING AS THEY ENTER THE DENNY'S


(scene switch)


EXT: HUDSON VINEYARDS-P.M.

BRIAN PULLS UP TO HOUSE, KNOCKING ON DOOR


BRIAN

"Sandy, Sandy, you home...you in there girl?"


GETTING NO ANSWER, HE WALKS DOWN PATH, STARTS LOOKING THROUGH THE VINEYARD, SEE'S ONE OF HER FLIP-FLOPS, WALKS DOWN A LITTLE FURTHER FINDING SANDY CURLED UP ON A BURLAP SACK FULL OF CUTTINGS PASSED OUT

BRIAN PICKS HER UP INTO HIS ARMS AND CARRIES HER BACK TO THE HOUSE
CLOSES DOOR


(scene switch)

INT: JOHN'S CAR LEAVING DENNY'S WITH BILLY AND JACK


BILLY

"Thanks for the grub man!"


JACK

"Yea...haven't eatin that good in years...that prison food, I wouldn't feed it to a rat, so where are we goin now?"


JOHN

"Well, I'm putting you two up in a motel for a couple of nights, at least until the jobs are through."


PULLS INTO A MOTEL EIGHT


BILLY

"Wow man, this is like being at the Hilton compared to where we've been...this is too cool!"


JOHN REACHES OVER, HANDING JACK A ROOM KEY


JOHN

"Now look, lay low, stay cool, don't make a lot of noise, here's your packets of seed money to get you started...go get smokes if you want, maybe a six pack, but don't get all fucked up...you here me...if you do go to the store, just go one at a time...it's right next door, only one at a time, okay...I'll be here to pick you up around nine in the morning, is everybody cool with that?"


BILLY

"Yea, no problem man, just want to take a nice shower and lay down in a real bed, aw man...I can't wait!'


JACK

"Yea, we got ya boss...nine o'clock...

EVERYBODY DOING FIST TAPS


JOHN

"Be good guys, see ya!"


DRIVES OFF

JACK AND BILLY JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT EACH OTHER


JACK

"Party!"


BILLY

"Damn...you got that right!"



scene close

Wine Mama (17) - Politics Of Evil

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (17)

THE POLITICS OF EVIL

INT: ROBERT KYNCL'S OFFICE-MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA.-A.M.

JOHN HEINZ, ROBERT'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT TALKING TO MISTER KYNCL IN HIS OFFICE

JOHN

"Mister Kyncl, we have a couple of new guys as requested, that will be getting out soon...now they do have two felony strikes against them, but I figured they be hungry, eager to do the deed, you know...pay attention to details."

ROBERT

"To details...I've got to get this done right, I'm losing patience with all this!"

JOHN

"Yea, that's what I thought...so where do you want to meet them?"

ROBERT

"I don't, just get them a car, whatever they need from Sid, drop them ten-percent, then the rest when the job's complete...keep it simple, keep it clean, keep me out of it, no hesitation...get in there, out of there, understand?"

JOHN

"Yes sir, I'll call you when the deal's set up."

ROBERT

"No, I said no...you schmuck...just set it up as I stated, I don't need any tie-ins, no connecting dots...just one thing?"

JOHN

"What's that sir?"

ROBERT

"Results!"

JOHN

"Got your back sir, be back later.

(scene switch)

INT: DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S OFFICE-MODESTO, CALIFORNIA-A.M.

DEPUTY ATTORNEY PAUL DAVIS GOING THROUGH TWO FILES

ONE MARKED COMPLAINT FILED-EARTH AUCTIONS-MODESTO

THE OTHER FROM THE CALIFORNIA SECRETARY OF STATE'S OFFICE

BOTH CLAIMING THAT BRIAN CASHMAN HAD WILLFULLY MISREPRESENTED HIMSELF AS THE DECEASED FRANK HUDSON

LOOKING CAREFULLY AT ONE OF FRANK HUDSON'S OLD SIGNATURES, HE NOTICES THAT CASHMAN DID NOT ATTEMPT TO FORGE FRANK HUDSON'S NAME ON THE SHERIFF'S LIEN, BUT RATHER SIGNED HIS OWN NAME

DAVIS

"Hey Toby, what do you say about someone settling someone else's estate and signs-off on it?"

DEPUTY ATTORNEY ASSISTANT-TOBY BENSON

"Was that the Hudson Vineyard?"

DAVIS

"Yes it was...I don't see any complaint filed by the spouse...oh, let me see...oh yea, Sandy Hudson."

TOBY

"Apparently, the two are an item now, I believe she is living back on the property and he is just helping her restore it!

DAVIS

Let's see, according to our ATF records, it shows he's been purchasing a large quantity of various fertilizers, chemicals, definitely looks like they're gearing up for production!"

TOBY

"That's all we have, nothing suspicious or even out of sync with Cashman...he fills out all the paperwork, get's his permits filed, he plays it straight!"

DAVIS

"Well, if that's all we have, then all these complaints are just based on her-say...I've got bigger fish to fry than this...it's her property, good luck to her for finding someone legit that gives a damn!"

TOBY

"Give it a little time, they'll be married within the year...little pitter-patter of feet you think?"

DAVIS

"Knowing Cashman, he'll have 'em out there working...squishing grapes!"

DAVIS TAKES HIS STAMP AND STAMPS BOTH FILES

CASE DENIED

(scene switch)

INT: MODESTO SHERIFF'S OFFICE-DETECTIVE SMITH'S OFFICE-A.M.

DETECTIVE SHELLY SMITH TALKING ON PHONE TALKING TO DEPUTY ATTORNEY ASSISTANT TOBY DAVIS

DETECTIVE SMITH

"Listen to this...a Bear citation, that's all I got here...the accidental destruction of a protected animal...what to do...what in the world am I suppose to do with that?"

DAVIS

"Well, that's all I can pin here...I can't puch something that doesn't exist girl, you know that!"

SMITH

"I swear...I'm gonna lose it...I can't believe that bitch be walking, cause Judge Hopkins, he gonna see that pretty white girl all sobbin and everything...throw her ass out the chambers, and then the man gonna come and turn me into fertilizer, you just watch!"

DAVIS

"What exactly does the man want?"

SMITH

That property...that's what he wants...he's a filthy rich greedy sucker than wants nothing more than to buy up anything in Modesto that doesn't have a neighborhood attached to it...you hear me?"

DAVIS

"Sounds to me, like we need to be investigating those guys...I mean, it is her property, and whatever or whoever she has agreed upon to get her out of her predicament, well...tha's private enterprise at it's best!"

SMITH

"Man, you just don't get it, you not understanding me...these Google tycoons can't stand the word no...they will buy and sell your ass, then put your first born up on the auction block, you feel me?"

DAVIS

"Like I said, I wish they would all just back down with this...I mean even the unions, the processors, the distillers, all of them know better than to play dirty ball like that...and they're desperate for growing property, and they have three-quarters of the grape harvest in the county as I speak...but I do see what you mean...this Hudson property sticks out like a sore thumb, look...just listen to me..."

SMITH

"What are you sayin...listen to me, what are you going to do for me, pull something out of the hat, a technicality...anything!"

DAVIS

Look, without going through the laundry list, if you push this and they find out your playing ball with them, they will just shut you down, lock you up, and throw away the ke!"

SMITH

"Yea well, thanks for the reality check, but I'm getting pressure from the suits, and it's startin to not feel right...Davis...I'm getting scared man!"

DAVIS

"Well, drop me a name when you feelin comfortable, but watch your back...cause if you got enough money, you can make anything look like an accident!"

SMITH

"I know, I know...boy what kind of shit did I get myself into...all I ever wanted to be was a good civil servant, make my Mama happy, and look what I did, what did I do Davis, answer me?"

DAVIS

"You got greedy!"

(scene switch)

INT: FAIRFIELD VINEYARDS-JOHN GREY'S OFFICE-MODESTO-A.M.

JOHN GREY-DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS-UNION PRESIDENT TALKING ON I-PHONE TO ROBERT KYNCL

JOHN

"Why are you trying to draw the unions into all your crap, hell sir, we just hit one-point two billion in just grape sales, just for this county alone...look I've heard the crap on the street about Schmidt and Zimmerman...all you Google guys in some kind of demented buy out of the west coast...but I'm warning you...don't be fucking around with my unions, or me and my team will kick back on you so fast, you want know what hit you...you understand me?"

KYNCL

"Calm down, there's enough coin to go around...you can take your cut and move shit...anywhere in the world, anywhere you want!"

JOHN

"that's just it...your not reading me, your not listening, look, I've been growing grapes all my life, I am Cali, you understand, and I'm not planning on going anywhere till the good Lord tells me so...look, I'm happy, the stewards are happy, the workers are well-taken care of, okay?"

KYNCL

"You say that now, but a couple of mill might change your mind...just a bit!"

JOHN

"Look, I'm a God-fearing union grape grower, I was doing this long before you were even in diapers...I grow 'em, process them, ferment, and bottle them up...the business has been pretty damn good to me, not like you...with your little schemes, I Love to work...speaking of which, I need to get back to work...sitting here listening to your plan to buy up the west coast, geez!"

KYNCL

"Okay John, I'm not going topush this, but change is going to happen one way or another, you'll see...just thought you'd like to share in the proceeds, that's all!"

JOHN

You know, I really appreciate that Rob, but your stickin your fingers in something that is of legend, do me a favor, step back for a second, and at least look at what your doing, okay?"

KYNCL

Sure John, I understand...yea sure, no problem."

JOHN

"I gotta go, bye!"

KYNCL PUSHING OFF ON PHONE, THEN DIALING UP JOHN HEINZ

JOHN

""Hey, what's up Mister Kyncl, thought you wanted to play silent today?"

KYNCL

"Yea, well...things change...did you get a chance to meet our new friends yet?"

JOHN

"No, I'm over at the prison now, they should be out in about an hour, so...what's up?"

KYNCL

"Got someone else to add to our guest list, think they will be able to handle it?"

JOHN

"No problem Mister Kyncl...just make sure you take care of them, the gratuities and such?"

KYNCL

"Oh, that's no problem, no problem...at all!"

scene close

Walk With Kat

Parody of Aerosmith's "Walk This Way", Beastie Boys version (use'd without permission)
Kirk Carter/ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2013



4/6

                                                                                     

WALK WITH KAT

She got it all started down in New Orleans;

Hitting on gumbo, shrimp, rice and beans.

Had a little attitude, but boy she's smart;

Come poppin out the chute, what a hell of a start.

(guitar riff)

She's a good healthy Mama, she's a girl with spunk;

She wanted a real man, she didn't want no punk.
Spun through a few, till she found her man;

The road well traveled, but she stuck to her plan.

Now she got it together, happy in thought;

She got her new life, now her camera is sought.

And , although I know she's got lot's to do;

The party ain't over, till she says we're through.

Walk with Kat

Walk with Kat

Walk with Kat 

Walk with Kat

She did some hanging in Texas, gave Oregon a knock;

Now back out to Texas, in Rolling Rock.

Little piece of heaven, she call it her hub;

Got the "Big Man" out there running the club!

Now, her birthday coming, that ain't no doubt;

I be her big brother, so I give her a shout!

Bring it down now...

Walk with Kat (It's her birthday)

She be all that (This ain't no Earthday)

Walk with Kat (wine box whirl)

Creme with Latte (Birthday Girl)

Walk with Kat (family work)

Walk with Kat (Her bro's name's Kirk)

Walk with Kat

Walk with Kat

Walk with Kat

Walk with Kat

(fade out)

Happy Birthday girl, All My Love, Kirk

Wine Mama (16) - BIrds And The Bees

                    

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA

BIRDS AND THE BEES

EXT: HUDSON VINEYARDS-3 P.M.

BRIAN AND SANDY OUT IN THE VINEYARD WITH GLOVES ON, CUTTERS IN HAND, GOING THROUGH THE THIRD ROW OF GRAPEVINES 

SANDY

"It still amazes me how these dead looking things could produce anything?"

BRIAN

"Many of them won't...but it's good because only the hardest strains of the group will make it...it's like nature's way of finding the best of the group, only the strong will survive another day!"

SANDY

"Mister philosophical here here, but it does make sense, I mean...we're here huh?"

BRIAN

"Well, that's just it, that's the thing, you have to stay focused on what your doing, what your purpose is, but you have to be aware of those who just want to take the easy road, they come and take away whatever it was you achieved, people with resources are just so vulnerable..."

SANDY

"So, just remain diligent?"

BRIAN

"Exactly, let them look and stare all they want, but stay cautious."

SANDY

"It's really that critical huh, I mean, in a sense, you do lose a lot of your freedom?"

BRIAN

"yea, I was thinking back on my buddies...some of them successful, some not so much."

SANDY

"So, what are they doing now?

BRIAN

"They're all dead for the most part, except for a few that managed to get through, but I really don't share much with them, I don't keep in touch, but we do know that each other is around, and that's about it!"

BRIAN SNAPS OFF BIG BRANCH WITH PRUNERS, GREEN OOZE FROM STEM

SANDY

"Bingo...that's a good one right?

BRIAN

"Yea, give me that sealer, so it won't get infected, I never would have thought that this one even had a chance!"

SANDY

"I'm starting to think that this just might work out after all!

BRIAN

"Stick with me kid, I 've been around these bushes for while."

SANDY

"Oh yea, your good with the bushes...all kinds of bushes."

BRIAN

"Stop it, stop it, we've got work to do, but remember to touch the plants, feel the plants, let them know you care...sense their purpose."

SANDY SLOWLY STROKING BASE OF GRAPEVINE

SANDY

"Oh, my precious babies, you know Mama Loves you, oh yes I do, yes I do, you wanna make Mama happy don't you, you wanna make Mama some precious wine don't you?"

BRIAN

"What are you doing?"

SANDY

"Trying to get it horned up, make me some grapes...I dunno?"

BRIAN

"Your getting me horned up and I'm standing way over here!"

SANDY

"So, your going to be making nectar for me?"

BRIAN

"I'm producing as I speak, not that I have much to say in the matter."

SANDY

"Yeah, I always wondered about that...you guys are always making sperm all the time...so what happens when you don't use it all up, or you make too much, what...your balls get fat?"

BRIAN

"Well, it does a little, but it mixes with the seminal fluid right before it leaves the body, you know...through the handy-spout, and the rest, well the rest leaves while we sleep, just kind of dribbles out."

SANDY

"Yuk, that must make a mess?"

BRIAN

"Actually, the night time emissions, since that doesn't mix with the seminal fluid, you hardly notice anything."

SANDY

"At least change your underwear?"

BRIAN

"Hygiene is important!"

SUDDENLY SNAPS A BRANCH, GREEN OOZ COMES OUT

SANDY

"Got me a live one, come here my baby..."

BRIAN

"Was that the one you were getting all horned up?"

SANDY

"Uh-huh, I seem to have that effect...this one must be a boy!"

BRIAN

"Actually, at this stage...look at this thing, wow, that one does have some promise, but at this stage grapevines that have been sitting to themselves this long will tend to get hermaphroditic."

SANDY

"They get herma...homo what?"

BRIAN

"It just means they can swing in both directions...depending on the conditions, like if there is a lot of pollen floating around, living is good, but if times are tuff, they can change sex and basically get themselves off...pretty cool, but then... it also makes them vulnerable to past diseases, cause only a true male can provide the new updates to all the plague, mold, and rot that's constantly reinventing themselves...think of it as anti-botanics from the dudes plants."

SANDY

"So, all this plant magic just happens if you do nothing?"

BRIAN

"No, it's not perfect, but under untended conditions it will keep the species alive until the next season, or better conditions, in some cases a fire is the best thing, because it kills off all the bad stuff, and seeds will start it up all over again...I tell you, Mother Nature is a trip!"

SANDY

"Ever read the Mother Earth News?"

BRIAN

"For sure, that's how I learned about soil prep in California, some really smart people putting that rag together...course now I just get it on-line."

SANDY

"I look at those pictures where those guys have those monster watermelons, how in the hell do you cut something like that up?"

BRIAN

"A chainsaw I guess, but that could get a little nasty, probably a Butcher's grade band-saw, that would be my choice..."

SANDY

"What is a band saw...I'm thinking, the horn section is now leaving the room!"

BRIAN LAUGHING

BRIAN

"It's a looped band of metal with little teeth...like it cuts bone, watermelon, pretty much anything it hits against, very efficient, I have one at the Gator Tail for cutting my gator steaks with...always have the tool for the job, the right recipe for the moment, all that shit!"

SANDY

"I have a recipe I like!"

BRIAN

"What's that?"

BRIAN SUDDENLY SNAPS CLIPPERS INTO ANOTHER HIDDEN GREEN VINE, GREEN OOZE STARTS POURING OUT

SANDY

"Somebody's on a roll here, what you got now?"

BRIAN

"Yeah, that makes sixteen live out of twenty-five...so what was your recipe?"

SANDY SUDDENLY SNAPS INTO A GREEN BRANCH OUT OF THE VISUALLY DEAD BARK, GREEN OOZE COMES OUT

SANDY

"Party, party, I've got nine out of fourteen, baby...we are on a roll here!"

BRIAN

"Okay, let's see if I can ask you one more time here...what was your recipe?"

SANDY

"Okay, okay, well...it's loosely based on where you take a pork roll and make a rub of rosemary and thyme, then marinate it, then you lubricate some Polish sausage with olive oil...then you push the sausage into the pork roll and push it in and out until the oil is well distributed..."

BRIAN

"And what do you call that?"

SANDY

"A Pork Sandy!"

BRIAN

"Okay, that's it, horny little bitch, right now!"

BRIAN DROPPING HIS CLIPPERS

SANDY

"What, right here...in front of the babies?"

BRIAN

"Yea, we'll show 'em how the birds and the bees work right here, when we get through they won't have to be changing sex to survive, they'll sense the moment from what they're gonna learn right here!"

SANDY

 "But, we have no seasonings, no oil, no heat?"

BRIAN WALKING UP TO SANDY

BRIAN

"We are going to try out your recipe, but I'm going to put a spin on it."

SANDY

"A spin...what is your spin...what'cha gonna call it?"

BRIAN

GRABBING SANDY AND GENTLY PICKING HER UP OFF THE GROUND, HE HOLDS HER IN HIS ARMS, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND THEN LAYS HER BODY, BACK AGAINST THE SOIL...CARESSING HER HER BODY WITH HIS FROM THE TOP

SANDY

"Oh my...what did you say you call this?"

BRIAN

I'm calling this Pork Sandy Tar Tar...see what you think?"

SANDY

"Oh yes, I'm seeing a true Michelin rating...five stars, and I haven't even sampled it yet!"

BRIAN

"Plate this up baby!"

scene close 

Wine Mama (15) - The Statement

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (15)

THE STATEMENT

EXT. MODESTO SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT-PARKING LOT-12:55 P.M.

SITTING IN BRIAN'S VAN, SANDY WEARING PERKY SPRING DRESS, FLOPPY HAT, HEELS, BRIAN WEARING BLUE JEANS, WHITE SHIRT, TIE, AND TENNIS SHOES

SANDY ADJUSTING BRIAN'S TIE

SANDY

"You guys never seem to get these things right...I swear!"

BRIAN

"I don't know who came up with this crap anyway...makes me feel like I'm being wrapped as a gift or something?"

SANDY

"Yea...you can be my gift, wait till you see how I can open your package...okay, there!"

BRIAN

"That doesn't surprise me, your a package freak...but I mean that in a good way..."

SANDY

"Well, you ready?"

BRIAN

"Yea, let's go do this thing!"

(scene switch)

BRIAN AND SANDY WALKING UP TO DESK SARGENT

SARGENT

"Afternoon, and how may I help you?"

SANDY

"I'm here...my name is Sandy Hudson, about the self-defense shootings at the Hudson Vineyards last night...ah, was told to to come here to finish my statements or something?"

SARGENT

"Yea, your that Bear killer lady...heard all about you, I condemn any..."

SANDY

"Listen to me, I did not...it was an accident, funny...nobody seems to concerned that I killed a man, too!"

SARGENT LAUGHING

SARGENT

"Hold it right there young lady...Mam, the fact is, the man was on your property with a gun that he fired at your door, almost killing you right...you defended yourself and that's that, okay...now, I don't know what his motive's were...if he was coming in to steal, hang out to drink your booze and rape you, take your life, who knows...but the little Bear...that cute...defenseless little Bear didn't have a chance...his paws were clean, you here me...doesn't look good!"

SANDY

"Cute little Bear my ass...it was pitch dark, I didn't even see the little garbage thief!"

SARGENT

"Oh, so now he's a presumed garbage thief, guess all is settled and done...guess we have a reason for our actions now...don't we?"

SANDY

"Look, the garbage was, the stuff I just put out, was all over the street...I live across the street from the forest, the woods...there were Bear tracks coming away from all the crap they found in the bins after they had turned them over...it's pretty obvious to me the Bear's were in my garbage!"

SARGENT

"Okay Mam, let me get Detective Smith for you...and you two can hash it out...poor little Bear."

(scene switch)

DETECTIVE SMITH ANSWERING PHONE

DETECTIVE SMITH

"Oh she's here...okay, thanks!"

SETTING PHONE DOWN, GIVING A SMIRK TO DETECTIVE SMITH


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Let me guess...Hudson?"


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Yea, take her to room three, I'll grab her file...oh wow, looks like she brought that gate-crasher Cashman with her, too!"

SMITH LOOKING AT FRONT LOBBY SURVEILLANCE MONITOR 


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Yea, this guy somehow managed to muddle everything up pretty quickly, huh?"


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Yes he did...I tell you what...let's just get her statement and dance her the hell out of here, got that?"


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Right on the money honey!"


(scene switch)



DETECTIVE BROWN WALKING OUT INTO LOBBY


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Afternoon Miss Hudson, and how are we holding up?"


SANDY

"Well, still a bit shaken, but I'm glad to be alive."



DETECTIVE BROWN

"Well considering what you've been through, your holding up remarkably, please follow me down here to room three, Detective Smith will be with you shortly."

WALKING DOWN CORRIDOR, DETECTIVE BROWN SHOWS THEM IN


DETECTIVE BROWN

"There is ice water on the table, we'll be right back with you two in a moment...oh, and your name sir?"


BRIAN

"Brian, Brian Cashman, I'm the co-owner on the Hudson property, her friend..."


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Of course you are...be right back!"


SANDY WHISPERING TO BRIAN

SANDY

"This is weirding me out, never been accused of killing a protected species before."


BRIAN

"Don't forget...a man, too!"


SANDY

"yea, him too...but I thought you said I don't have anything to worry about?"


BRIAN

"Well, actually your just here finishing your statement...you haven't been charged with anything, arrested...your not being subpoenaed, so just be cool, just stick to the facts and everything will be just fine...you can handle that."


SANDY

"It's still weird?" 


DETECTIVE SMITH AND BROWN WALKING INTO ROOM

DETECTIVE SMITH

"Afternoon Miss Hudson, we are just here to get a true and accurate accounting of the events that occurred yesterday, the morning of June twelfth at your residence at forty-three twenty Carpenter Road here in Modesto, okay?"


DETECTIVE BROWN

"Please speak clearly into the microphone and follow your timeline as to what occurred before you presumably caused the untimely expiration of one Bear cub..."


SANDY

"Well, I was asleep, not a worry in the world, then my motion detector went off at the front gate, which also made my I-Phone go off, cause Brian has it set to call me if it goes off, like that. So, I look down at the phone and nothing...figured it was a false alarm, so I went back to bed, and a little while later, like three minutes...it went off again, and I look at my screen, and I see two guys walking up my driveway, I mean I freaked, grabbed my passed away husband's old shotgun, cracked the door, told them to get the hell off my property...then one of them took a shot at me, blowing half the door to pieces, so I stuck the gun out the crack in the door and shot back,,,I guess that's when I hit one of them..."


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Yes Miss Hudson, we have all that, but at what point did you feel it necessary to shoot the little Bear?"


SANDY STANDING UP, PACING THE ROOM, TREMBLING FINGER IN THE AIR

SANDY

"Look...it was a double-barreled shotgun, I've only shot Frank's shotgun once in my life, and I didn't know if there was two or twenty out there...I didn't even know there were Bears running around in my yard...the second shot was just a warning shot okay...I was nervous, I had nothing else to defend myself with, I was nervous, I didn't know what else to do...look, I Love animals, I would never intentionally shoot a creature unless I felt threatened  okay Detective Smith...Brown, stop provoking me, there's my statement, my testimony to the facts, so take me to jail if you feel the need, if it will make you feel any better, but quit thinking I did any of this with any ill-will or some trumped up preconceived move toward animal vindictiveness, now get over it!"


LONG SILENCE, EVERYONE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER

DETECTIVE SMITH

"Well...that will be all for now Miss Hudson, I think we got to the principle points to the nature of your actions, uh...we want to thank you for coming in, you will be contacted in regard to any motions that may or may not be filed by the District Attorney's office, please have a good day!"


SANDY

"Thank you, thank you...thank you very much...come on Brian!"


BRIAN

"Yes dear..."


WALKING TOWARDS VAN IN POLICE PARKING LOT, SANDY DOING WESTERN TWO-STEP, DANCING AROUND

BRIAN

"Come on Sandy, get in, stop throwing it in their face, don't forget...your still the Bear killer in their eyes, it's going to take a while for all this to calm down...they're real sensitive about their wildlife...you should see all the crap I went through just to serve smoked Gator tail around here?"


GETTING INTO VAN

SANDY

"But what are they gonna do...fucking nothing, that's what...I killed a bad guy, took down the accidental Bear, I've cleared my head of all of this shit!


BRIAN

"Well, little miss reborn, what do you feel like doing now?"


SANDY

"Let's go back to the vineyards, make a fat sandwich, drink a little Port, and baby us some grapevines, they need some Love, too!"


BRIAN

"Damn girl, that's my girl, let's get busy with it!"


(scene switch)


INT: DETECTIVE SMITH"S OFFICE

DETECTIVE SMITH MAKING PHONE CALL, PARTY ANSWERING PHONE


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Ah yes, this is Smith, is Kyncl there?"


PARTY ON PHONE

"Yeah, he's available, what's it to you?"


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Tell him that Hudson chick is on hold till we can figure something out, okay?"


PARTY ON PHONE

"He will not be pleased, but I will pass on the situation, anything else?"


DETECTIVE SMITH

"Contact John over at Fairfield Vineyards and tell him Sam and Peter will not be coming back."


PARTY ON PHONE

"They went AWOL?"


DETECTIVE SMITH

"They went to meet Jesus...or Satan, hard to tell with them?"


PARTY ON LINE

"I must go now..."


DETECTIVE SMITH

Good idea...bye!"



scene close

   

Wine Mama (14) - Stress Relief

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (14)

STRESS RELIEF

INT: BRIAN'S HOUSE-8 A.M.

BRIAN BUSILY TYPING NEW MENU FORMAT IN COMPUTER ROOM

SHOT OF SANDY SPRAWLED OUT ON MASTER BED

WEARING ON JUST A SMALL PAIR OF SWEAT SHORTS

SHE STARTS TO ROLL OVER THEN ROLLS INTO A FETTLE POSITION

(30 Minutes Later)

BRIAN WALKING INTO BEDROOM WITH CHEESY EGGS AND BACON WITH SOME FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE

BRIAN

"Hey, sleepy head, I'm just trying to help out here...aw, come on girl, get a top on, can't just be staring at your tits when I'm eating!"

SANDY RUBBING HER FACE

SANDY

"You can stare at my tits all you want, but they're a lot better with a little jelly or jam on them...really brings 'em to life!"

BRIAN

"Look, I'm eating for sustenance and nutrition, not on Sandy's titty nips, I'd starve to death!"

SANDY

"Oh, that was cold, after all the shit I've been through last night...out protecting the property, killing off the bad guys, hunting down wild animals so that the family can have fresh meat and warm clothing...I should toss your plate, and just rape your ass!"

BRIAN

"That would be interesting?"

SANDY

"Besides that, what else are we doing this morning?"

BRIAN

"Well, I'm going to the office, you know...that place down the street with the mechanical gator tail flopping about?"

SANDY

"Yea, I like it when you flop your gator tail!"

BRIAN

"It doesn't flop."

SANDY

"Yes it does!"

BRIAN

"When does it flop?"

SANDY

"When it's not getting any attention, when it's asleep, all alone, just hanging there...flop, flop, flop...kinda sad really..."

BRIAN

"And when it's awake?"

SANDY

"Then it wags, wags, wags...happy to see me wags...so I put my leash on it and take it home before it gets cold."

BRIAN

"You have a home to take it to?"

SANDY

"Hell yea...you should see this place...warm, luxurious, you'd Love this place!"

SHOWING BREAKFAST TRAY FALLING OFF BED

LEGS AND FEET INTERTWINED

HEARING GIGGLING AND SQUEALS

scene close 

(one hour later)

EXT: BRIAN"S HOUSE-9 A.M.

STANDING AT FRONT DOOR, BRIAN GIVING GAME PLAN TO SANDY

BRIAN

"Okay, you stay here...don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, just chill...okay, I'm going by the office, the cleaners, go pick up my phone at the Apple store, then I'm going back to the office, and I'll come by and pick you up, and we can hopefully go work on the grapes for a while."

SANDY

"I thought we had already worked on the grapes...don't they just grow now?"

BRIAN LOOKING AT GROUND, SHAKING HIS HEAD

BRIAN

"No Sandy...they just don't grow now...grapes require constant attention on the onset...there's a lot of restarting the root ball, invigorating the soil, checking the ph, blowing out all the crap that's settled into the bud sockets, clipping, pruning, looking for rot, all kinds of fun stuff..."

SANDY

"I guess you were right!"

BRIAN

"About what?"

SANDY

"This is like having babies, only we're dealing with a whole nursery here!"

BRIAN

"You just wait girl, when all those beautiful grapes come to fruition, it's going to blow your mind...trust me!"

GIVING HER BIG HUG, HE GETS INTO VAN

SANDY LEANING INTO WINDOW

SANDY

"Hey, thanks again for breakfast and letting me walk the dog a little!"

BRIAN

"Anything for a little stress relief, I know you had a hard time last night...hey, I told you it didn't flop...gotta-go, bye!"

scene close

INT: GATOR TAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-11:30 A.M.

BRIAN TRYING TO FINISH FORMATTING HIS NEW MENU ON COMPUTER

HIS I-PHONE RINGS, SEE'S SANDY'S NAME, ANSWERS

BRIAN

"What's up girl?"

SANDY

"I just remembered Brian, I can't go...I'm suppose to go down to the Sheriff's Office this afternoon and make a statement...remember, I am their favorite Bear killer!"

BRIAN

"Yea, I was wondering about that, you know...this is either going to get real sticky or it's just going to blow itself over...look, you were just defending yourself, your property, I'm guessing...the garbage was out, Bear's were out, and you were in, kinda trapped you know?"

SANDY

"Yea, but what do I tell them?"

BRIAN

"Just play it straight, you've got nothing to hide...tell them to go and pound sand, Sandy...there's nothing there!"

SANDY

""You want to come with me, a little moral support, oh please come with me?"

BRIAN

"Well, I wasn't there, but since we're not working on Grapes one-o-one today...sure, why not, come tag around and visit my boys in blue, or tan, or whatever they're wearing these days..."

SANDY

"Pick me up at twelve-thirty, put a tie on, okay?"

BRIAN

"That's the plan...tie too!"

SANDY

"Oh, and thanks again for the stress relief this morning, that really helped a lot...almost made me forget what I had to do today!"

BRIAN

"Well apparently...it didn't hurt."

SANDY

"See ya!"

BRIAN

"See ya then girl!"

scene close