Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013
WINE MAMA (47)
IF IT SMELLS LIKE A DUCK
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-WEDNESDAY-9 A.M.
BRIAN ON COMPUTER, JOHN WALKS IN
JOHN
"Morning boss...where is bossy boss?"
BRIAN
"Went to get her hair done...doing all the cures with the nails...that mani and pedi crap, always so hung up on that nail thing!"
JOHN
"They fascinated with pamper, pretty up for us, but I make selfish observance...they queen like...they do it for themselves, make them feel good self-esteem, important girl!"
BRIAN
"Yea, the pretty fingers, the pretty toes, they defiantly got it going...no doubt there...
so what's up...oh wait, I called up that Mister Thomas...that butt-fuck up yesterday, and boy...was he being a total a-hole...didn't want to hear nothing about a second bid, second opinion, wouldn't budge either way...just being a little shit...so did you have any luck?"
JOHN
"I find...I find...I think I find greasy spoon...very slick, oily like Duck feathers...perhaps this where our grapes end up!"
BRIAN
"John, what are you talking about?"
JOHN
"I go down to Columbus Wineries and talk to..."
BRIAN
"You mean that old farmhouse down on Vincent?"
JOHN
"It's not old farmhouse...very old family wine processor's, way back to nineteen-hundreds...but good people, but very gullible people, specialize in small batches, but very efficient...good technique, spring water, own yeast...classic must, very old school...the man, Bill Ward, Christian man, good family values...so I ask for deal with grapes..."
BRIAN
"So, what did he say, can they fit us in?"
JOHN
"It didn't seem like anything was up...no big production going on that I could see, but he told me that I have come in earlier, cause he made deal with guy for extra grapes...find out it was Thomson!"
BRIAN
"What type of extra grapes, how would he know, harvest hasn't really started yet?"
JOHN
"That's what I wanted to know, but Ward wouldn't release source, just that he got fifty cents on the dollar...said he be receiving shipment next week."
BRIAN
"Well...did he give a quantity?"
JOHN
"Yes...most suspicious, more of a coincidence...he say twenty-thousand bushels...find that strange for accidental overflow, you think?"
BRIAN
"Yea, I think...I think Thomson just sold our grapes, which means you were right with the hunch...between you and Sandy, I feel like I'm living with a bunch of psychics!"
JOHN
"What we do now?"
BRIAN
"We could go pick the shit ourselves and haul it to some winery, or we could shut this down while we have something legally to work with."
JOHN
"What legally?"
BRIAN
"Call our buddies at the FBI and see if they can set up some surveillance, maybe place some legitimacy to charges of theft and stolen property...somebody is behind this and I would like to get to the bottom of this, let me see if I got these numbers here."
JOHN
"Maybe we should go find some Bears and see if we talk them into standing guard."
BRIAN
"One would think it would be that easy but..."
SANDY COMES BOPPING INTO OFFICE WEARING SPRING DRESS AND STRAPPY MULES
SANDY
"Hey guys, how's it hanging?"
BRIAN
"Very low...once again, gravity is working against us, what about you?"
SANDY
"Just got my nails done, hair thinned out a bit...whatcha think?"
BRIAN
"Wow girl, you look hot...you did that for me?"
SANDY
"No, I did it for John, we're an item now, right John?"
JOHN
"We good friends, we lay low, hang low, we got problems that gravity can't help!"
SANDY
"The two of you look like there has been a death in the family...what's up?"
BRIAN
"More like theft in the family, looks like John was right with his hunch...he found out that Thomson, our beloved Thomson just happened to have an extra twenty thousand bushel of grapes to sell at half-price to a little family winery up the street...they are awaiting their shipment...get me?"
SANDY
"Why that fucking turd...I ought go over there and put a heel up his ass...where's my forty-five?"
JOHN
"Be cool Sandy, your man wants to do legal route."
BRIAN
"Yea, outside violence is not going to get us anywhere, this is out and out theft and distribution of stolen property, I'm calling Sacramento and get an FBI detail out here...we have to do this right, cause I need to know who in the fuck is behind all this crap...I've had enough!"
SANDY
"And to think I was the one who set this up, I'm sorry Brian, I had no idea?"
BRIAN
"I was right with you the whole time, I thought John was losing his marbles with all this speculation, and now I owe him an apology..."
JOHN
"You owe no apology, we family, I Love you guys, now we need to get game plan and follow through."
SANDY
"Maybe we should go get some Bears from across the street, put some open garbage cans down in the orchid and let them hang out?"
BRIAN
"What is it with you two...okay go get your Bears, and if they don't manage to eat you first, then what?"
JOHN
"We not be snack for furry friends..."
BRIAN
"Sandy, go to the galley and get me a magnum of Port and three glasses...it's crunch time...you guys drive me nuts when your all straight like this!
SANDY
"Right away Captain, it is not allowable to be straight during crunch time..."
BRIAN
"Fuck Sandy, just go get the wine please?"
JOHN FOLLOWING SANDY TO KITCHEN
JOHN
"Look like war room going into session."
SANDY
"No John, Brian's right...we only have one shot at making anything out of this harvest...it's his investment, his dream, we've got to help wherever we can!"
JOHN
"I thought you his investment?"
SANDY
"I am his woman, he is my man...we are partners in this for better or worse, understand?"
JOHN
"Where does that put me?"
SANDY
"Oh John, you fart head...for Christ sake your family man, now quit playing stupid...I know where the Bear's live...I will get them and have you eaten, don't fuck with me...remember, it's crunch time...don't forget that, you hear me?"
JOHN
"Maybe we get two bottles?"
scene close
JOHN
"It didn't seem like anything was up...no big production going on that I could see, but he told me that I have come in earlier, cause he made deal with guy for extra grapes...find out it was Thomson!"
BRIAN
"What type of extra grapes, how would he know, harvest hasn't really started yet?"
JOHN
"That's what I wanted to know, but Ward wouldn't release source, just that he got fifty cents on the dollar...said he be receiving shipment next week."
BRIAN
"Well...did he give a quantity?"
JOHN
"Yes...most suspicious, more of a coincidence...he say twenty-thousand bushels...find that strange for accidental overflow, you think?"
BRIAN
"Yea, I think...I think Thomson just sold our grapes, which means you were right with the hunch...between you and Sandy, I feel like I'm living with a bunch of psychics!"
JOHN
"What we do now?"
BRIAN
"We could go pick the shit ourselves and haul it to some winery, or we could shut this down while we have something legally to work with."
JOHN
"What legally?"
BRIAN
"Call our buddies at the FBI and see if they can set up some surveillance, maybe place some legitimacy to charges of theft and stolen property...somebody is behind this and I would like to get to the bottom of this, let me see if I got these numbers here."
JOHN
"Maybe we should go find some Bears and see if we talk them into standing guard."
BRIAN
"One would think it would be that easy but..."
SANDY COMES BOPPING INTO OFFICE WEARING SPRING DRESS AND STRAPPY MULES
SANDY
"Hey guys, how's it hanging?"
BRIAN
"Very low...once again, gravity is working against us, what about you?"
SANDY
"Just got my nails done, hair thinned out a bit...whatcha think?"
BRIAN
"Wow girl, you look hot...you did that for me?"
SANDY
"No, I did it for John, we're an item now, right John?"
JOHN
"We good friends, we lay low, hang low, we got problems that gravity can't help!"
SANDY
"The two of you look like there has been a death in the family...what's up?"
BRIAN
"More like theft in the family, looks like John was right with his hunch...he found out that Thomson, our beloved Thomson just happened to have an extra twenty thousand bushel of grapes to sell at half-price to a little family winery up the street...they are awaiting their shipment...get me?"
SANDY
"Why that fucking turd...I ought go over there and put a heel up his ass...where's my forty-five?"
JOHN
"Be cool Sandy, your man wants to do legal route."
BRIAN
"Yea, outside violence is not going to get us anywhere, this is out and out theft and distribution of stolen property, I'm calling Sacramento and get an FBI detail out here...we have to do this right, cause I need to know who in the fuck is behind all this crap...I've had enough!"
SANDY
"And to think I was the one who set this up, I'm sorry Brian, I had no idea?"
BRIAN
"I was right with you the whole time, I thought John was losing his marbles with all this speculation, and now I owe him an apology..."
JOHN
"You owe no apology, we family, I Love you guys, now we need to get game plan and follow through."
SANDY
"Maybe we should go get some Bears from across the street, put some open garbage cans down in the orchid and let them hang out?"
BRIAN
"What is it with you two...okay go get your Bears, and if they don't manage to eat you first, then what?"
JOHN
"We not be snack for furry friends..."
BRIAN
"Sandy, go to the galley and get me a magnum of Port and three glasses...it's crunch time...you guys drive me nuts when your all straight like this!
SANDY
"Right away Captain, it is not allowable to be straight during crunch time..."
BRIAN
"Fuck Sandy, just go get the wine please?"
JOHN FOLLOWING SANDY TO KITCHEN
JOHN
"Look like war room going into session."
SANDY
"No John, Brian's right...we only have one shot at making anything out of this harvest...it's his investment, his dream, we've got to help wherever we can!"
JOHN
"I thought you his investment?"
SANDY
"I am his woman, he is my man...we are partners in this for better or worse, understand?"
JOHN
"Where does that put me?"
SANDY
"Oh John, you fart head...for Christ sake your family man, now quit playing stupid...I know where the Bear's live...I will get them and have you eaten, don't fuck with me...remember, it's crunch time...don't forget that, you hear me?"
JOHN
"Maybe we get two bottles?"
scene close
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