Wine Mama (96) Smokey Bears

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2014

WINE MAMA (96)

SMOKEY BEARS

EXT: ACROSS THE STREET IN THE WOODS FROM THE CASHMAN VINEYARDS-5 P.M.      

TONY AND POCO (ZIMMERMAN'S GOONS) HAVE JUST PARKED BEHIND A GROUPING OF TALL BUSHES ON THE FOREST SIDE JUST ACROSS FROM CASHMAN VINEYARDS

THEY'VE ALREADY SPOTTED THE SMALL STREAM THEY'RE SUPPOSE TO WALK UP WHICH WILL TAKE THEM UP TO AND BEHIND THE CASHMAN PROPERTY


TONY

"So, we got everything...road flares, alcohol, pistol...just in case?"


POCO

"Yea, sure makes everything easier when they pay up front...and the stream is right up there...this is like a piece of cake..."


TONY

"Torching is easy shit...I don't even see any cars in that driveway, don't even know if anybody is here...come on it will be getting dark soon!"

AFTER PACKING ALL THEIR GEAR, THAT START OUT CROSSING THE ROAD, THEN HEAD FOR A SHORT PATH TO THE STREAM THAT CROSSES UNDER THE ROAD


POCO

"Man Tony, look at all these tracks...must be all kinds of critters out here?"


TONY

"Yea, this place is really out in the boonies...pretty far from anyplace..."


POCO

Man, it's so pretty out here, why does that Zimmerman dude want to destroy this place?"


TONY

"He never said...like pissed off at the dude, pissed about something...guess it's none of our business...all I know is that we got paid...that's all that matters now!"

WALKING DOWN PATH ALONG SIDE STREAM THEY SEE A DEER, A PAIR OF RACCOON'S, A SNAKE, AND A MEDIUM SIZE ALLIGATOR BASKING IN THE SUN


POCO

"Look at that shit...I didn't know they had Gators in California...that's fucking weird man!"


TONY

"Really, where did he come from, what's he even doing out here...that's a trip!"

COMING AROUND THE BEND, AS PER THEY'RE INSTRUCTIONS THEY SEE THE VERY BACK OF THE VINEYARD

START TO WALK UP INTO THE VINE GROWTH

THEY EVENTUALLY SPOT BACK OF BARN AND HOUSE, AS THEY APPROACH, POCO STARTS SPRAYING RUBBING ALCOHOL ALONG THE SIDE OF THE BARN

SUDDENLY A GERMAN SHEPARD COMES CHARGING OUT FROM AROUND OTHER SIDE OF BARN, FOLLOWED KEITH (GUARD HIRED BY BRIAN TO WATCH OVER STORED CASES OF WINE IN BARN)


KEITH (GUARD)

"Hey Amigos what you doing here...you can't be here now!"

KEITH GOES FOR HIS HANDGUN AND TONY GOES FOR HIS

THEY BOTH SHOOT AT EACH OTHER WHILE DOG GOES BALLISTIC ON TONY'S LEG, KNOCKING HIM OFF BALANCE

POCO STARTS ROAD FLARE AND IGNITES ALCOHOL THAT'S BEEN SPRAYED ON BARN, IMMEDIATELY ENGULFS IN FLAMES

TONY MANAGES TO SHOOT KEITH IN SHOULDER, CAUSING HIM TO DROP WEAPON, AS TONY TAKES ANOTHER SHOT KILLING THE DOG

FLAMES BECOME MORE INTENSE, TRAIL OF SPILLED ALCOHOL FOLLOWS POCO AS THEY ATTEMPT TO EXIT BACK TOWARD THE STREAM

TWO BEAR'S APPEAR, BLOCKING THEIR EXIT, SPOOKED OUT OF THEY'RE BERRY FEEDING, TONY'S GUN JAMS, HE ENDS UP THROWING IT AT THE BEAR'S WHO GET AGGRESSIVE AND CONFUSED BY THE SMOKE, THEY ATTACK TONY AND POCO, TEARING THEM TO SHREDS

AS THEY BOTH LAY THERE BLEEDING PROFUSELY THE BEARS EACH GRAB ONE BY THE TORSO AND DRAG THEM OUT TO THE STREAM WHERE THEY EAT OUT THEIR STOMACHS, WALKING OFF

(30 minutes later)

FIRE TRUCK ARRIVES SEEING KEITH WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND WATER HOSE PUTTING OUT LAST BITS OF FIRE

AMBULANCE AND POLICE ARRIVE, TENDING TO KEITH'S WOUNDS, OFFICER WANTS TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON


OFFICER 

"Anybody else in there sir?"


KEITH

"No, no...but my Dog Petey, they murder him...he my best friend..."


OFFICER

"Well, for heaven's sake, what happen here boy...what's your name?"


KEITH

"Keith...Keith Rodriguez...men...two men, I never see before, came from back...not set off motion detector, they pour something on building and light it, then we shoot at each other, Petey chew his leg, they run off in back, I put out fire...that's all I know...we save the Wine Mama's...that's why I'm here, to watch the Wine Mama's..."

OFFICER

"Who are the Wine Mama's, I'm getting confused here?"


KEITH

"Bottles of wine Mister Cashman store here...I save them from the flames, but I cannot save Petey...he fought his last fight, now he's gone to Heaven, I shall miss him!"


OFFICER

"Yea Sir, really sorry to hear about the loss, but you said these two went back there in the back, probably traveled back up the stream, I'll get some back-up and take a look."


PARAMEDIC

"We really need to take him to Modesto General and do an x-ray on the shoulder and get him patched up!"


OFFICER

"Okay, go on head...I'll hang out here till Detective Brown get's here and some of the boys...hey Mister Rodriguez did you happen to call Mister Cashman and tell him what happened?"


KEITH

"I not get chance, he own Gatortail...you want me to call him?"


OFFICER

"No, you go with the medics and get patched up, I'll give him a call and let him know..."

LOOKING UP NUMBER FOR GATORTAIL, HE PLACES A CALL


BRYAN CASHMAN ANSWERING

"Gatortail restaurant, Bryan speaking...how can I help you?"


OFFICER HUDSON

"Yea sir, this is Officer Dan Hudson with the Modesto police, ah I'm afraid some guys snuck on your property and attempted to torch the place, shot your security guard and killed his friend Petey in the process..."


BRIAN

"What...the...hell, my God...ah okay, give me five minutes and I'll be down there...is a, is Keith all right, is "he" alive?"


OFFICER HUDSON

"Yea, I think he'll be fine...he put out your barn, saved your...what do you call it...your Wine Mama's anyway?


BRIAN

"Good to hear, be over in a blink, bye!

(scene switch)

OVER BY THE STREAM, THE BEARS HAVE DEPARTED BECAUSE OF ALL THE SMOKE AND COMMOTION OF THE EMERGENCY VEHICLES

HOWEVER, WHERE THE TWO LEFTOVERS FOR BODIES OF TONY AND POCO
A LONE ALLIGATOR FINISHES OFF ALMOST ALL THAT WAS LEFT
AS THEIR HEADS TUMBLE AND ROLL DOWN THE STREAM OUT OF SIGHT



scene close

Wine Mama (95) Threatened Sanctuary

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2014

WINE MAMA (95)

THREATENED SANCTUARY

INT: RON ZIMMERMAN'S ESTATE-MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA.-MONDAY-8 A.M.

RON ZIMMERMAN'S UP TO NO GOOD, HAVING ANOTHER GO AT DESTROYING BRYAN CASHMAN'S LIVELIHOOD, HE'S HIRED A COUPLE OF GOONS TO GO DESTROY THE VINEYARD FOR GOOD

ZIMMERMAN

"Okay Tony, you come out of Compton right...heard good things about you being bad...what do I need to know about you...convince me?"

TONY (GOON #1)

"They ain't a lot to say...I always be bad, and then there's times when I'm worse...don't fuck with me and maybe I don't fuck with you, ya know...principle of the street, the hood, my brothers...but I like scratch, so you can convince me, got my ears open, you know?"

ZIMMERMAN

There might be fifty g's if your ears are open enough in your pocket if you can go and take care of a little irritation I got down in Modesto...help me out?"

TONY

"Yea, but Poco gonna help...my Bro, we work together...so maybe we take that to sixty, you still in?"

ZIMMERMAN

"No problem, if you do it right...I can bonus you a little more, we'll see!"

POCO (GOON #2)

"So, we put a hit...what you need us to do?"

ZIMMERMAN

"Not unless it get's crazy...your basically going to a piece of property, a small vineyard to be exact and torching it up...lot of woods around, so getting in and out is no problem."

ZIMMERMAN SHOWING MAP LOCATION OF CASHMAN VINEYARDS, SHOWING STREAM IN BACK

POCO

"So stream crosses under road, we can just walk up the fucker and we're there?"

ZIMMERMAN

"Exactly, you can park over in the forest across the street, easy job...you game?"

TONY

"So, you give us all this for a little flame...we ain't gotta take anybody down?

ZIMMERMAN

"Not unless you get pushed into it...it's got to look like an accident...water heater or something...basically we're looking at the house and there's a big barn behind it I want removed!"

POCO

"Something like that, you want rubbing alcohol, something simple, no tail, residue, soot, burn quick..."

TONY

"Real clean and fast...we good to go...we'll take it...when you want to do this?"

ZIMMERMAN

"Today, tonight, tomorrow, whenever your ready?"

TONY

"I'm not a big fan of night, we're not familiar with the area, flashlights can be seen, too!"

POCO

"Wait for late afternoon, sun going down, perfect!

ZIMMERMAN

"Perfect, I'll give you a little advance...is that okay?"

TONY

"No, you give us all the money...now or no deal!"

POCO

"If something fucks up, we'll bring you your coin back..."

TONY

"Most of it anyway, the thing is with shit like this, we don't want to be coming back up here, too much of a paper trail, I don't think you need the tag on this, so we keep it simple..."

POCO

"We bad dudes, but a deal is word, so you got to flow with it man...it's the way it is!"

ZIMMERMAN

"Somehow, it all makes sense, let me go get you your money, just hang tight...make a drink why don't you?"

(30 minutes later)

ZIMMERMAN COMES BACK INTO BILLIARD ROOM WITH TWO PAPER BAGS, HANDING ONE TO EACH

ZIMMERMAN

"Okay guys, here's thirty a piece, so we just split company, I'm assuming I'll just see something in the newspapers, it was good meeting you guys...good luck with mission!"

TONY AND POCO DOING FIST TAPS TO ZIMMERMAN

TONY

"Don't worry boss, you see our work all over...we proud with helping out!"

POCO

"You need anything else down the road, you drop us a dime, you know?"

ZIMMERMAN

"I know..."

(scene switch)

GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRYAN'S OFFICE-9 A.M.

BRYAN AND SANDY SITTING AT THEIR SEPARATE DESK. BRYAN DOING THE MORNING ROUTINE OF DOING YESTERDAY'S COUNT, INVENTORY, AND REORDERING

SANDY PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS ON HER LAPTOP

SANDY

"You know, I was thinking..."

BRYAN

"You need to stop doing that, it's bad for your health!"

SANDY

"You always say that...can't I get anything right?"

BRYAN

"It's not that, it's just that we always go into a tail spin when you think out loud!"

SANDY

"Not always...if we mess up, at least we do it together..."

BRYAN

"Well yea, it's a team fuck up...that's the spirit, let's all go down in flames together, as a happily married couple, what a romance, so anyway...I know your going to have your way anyway, shit we both know that, so you were saying?"

SANDY

"Let's enter some of the local contest around here, I think it would be good for business!"

BRYAN

"Well, that's great, but we don't have an unlimited stock here, but I guess getting exposure would be great for next season...you could fiddle with it if you want."

SANDY

"Put on a dress and heels, holding a bottle of Wine Mama..."

BRYAN

"Along with a pretty blue ribbon...I like that..."

SANDY

"I always knew you liked blue..."

BRYAN

No, I was talking about seeing you in a dress and heels...can't seem to get you dolled up like you use'd to!"

SANDY

"That's because we're married now...so technically I can just let myself go, just get fat and go to pot...got what I wanted, so I don't have to go poking my eyes out with liner and shit!"

BRYAN

"Well, that's comforting to know, looks like the yard isn't going to get mowed anytime soon!"

SANDY

"What's that suppose to mean?"

BRYAN

"It's just a saying, like unkempt..."

SANDY

"What's unkempt?"

BRYAN

"Take some advise and be my Girlie-Girl...oh and trim the bush-bush...that would make me happy!"

SANDY

"Really, and what's wrong with the carpet?"

BRYAN

"Nothing, only when Mister Pecker goes in there, I almost want to strap on a flashlight to see where I'm going..."

SANDY

"Hey...that's enough of your bullshit, you always find the cave, it's not that bad."

BRYAN

"It's got radar on the tip, it hones in and enters, like a dolphin..."

SANDY

"Or a Bat going after pray...like the Bat cave!"

BRYAN

"So, what contest do they have around here anyway?"

SANDY PULLING LIST OUT

"Let's see...the San Francisco Wine Competition, The Grand Harvest Awards in Sonoma, and the grand daddy...at least by west coast standards, The Los Angeles International!

BRYAN

"That's it?"

SANDY

"Well there is an INDY Wine Contest in Indianapolis, and then the Houston Livestock Show, but I did't want to shoot for the moon till we covered the local action first...please my Love, one thing at a time...don't push it!"

BRYAN

"I think that's the only time your really happy...is when I push it...so how much do these places charge to get them to look at your bottle, and taste the slur?"

SANDY

"Looks like Modesto is two-fifty, San Francisco is three-hundred, and the one in L.A is getting three-fifty...can't believe they charge that just to look at your..."

BRYAN

"I can't believe they charge anything...gees, what a racket...well if you want to enter one, go head...you have my blessings...just make sure to use your own money!"

SANDY

"It's all ours now remember, there is no more my money or your money, it's just one big pile of coins!"

BRYAN

"What about all that money you made with the purses and belts and stuff?"

SANDY

"Haven't you heard anything I've said...it's our money, we share together..."

BRYAN

"Wow, that's good to know...I've got some shopping to do!"


SANDY

"Whatcha getting?

BRYAN

"Flashlight for my pecker and clippers for your bush!"

SANDY

"Bryan Cashman...you bastard, come here, come here...come here right now..."

BOTH RUNNING OUT BACK DOOR INTO PARKING LOT

scene close

Wine Mama (94) Telepathic Sandy

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2014

WINE MAMA

TELEPATHIC SANDY

INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-MONDAY-10 A.M.

BRIAN AND SANDY SITTING AT THEIR USUAL NOOKS, BEHIND THEIR COMPUTER SCREENS DOING THEIR VARIOUS TASK, EVERYTHING IS THE SAME EXCEPT THE TWO ARE BEING UNUSUALLY QUIET, NO BACK AND FORTH CHATTER

PHONE RINGS, IT'S BOB WITH BOB'S GATOR EMPORIUM IN NEW ORLEANS

BRIAN

"Hey Bob, been waiting on your call...keeping you busy down there?"

BOB

"Yea, the Gator's have got my ass by the tail, so I was looking at your messages and you were requesting ten whole Gators...I mean that first time was an accident, what's up?"

BRIAN

"Well, Sandy's my wife now, not that that has much to do with it...

SANDY LOOKS UP FROM COMPUTER, STICKING HER TONGUE OUT

...but she has a Cobbler guy, leather specialist dude who did some fantastic things with the skin we had from that accidental batch of Gators you sent...they're a lot pricier when they still got their clothes on, that's what I'm trying to say...but she had the hides made into designer purses, wallets, belts...made a pretty tidy profit off of it, covered all that extra shipping cost, too and well...she was requesting another supply...can we do it?"  

BOB

"Well, you know me Brian, I can pretty much get you anything you want, was just curious about those reports of a Mama Gator that was still partially alive in that first shipment, what happened there?

BRIAN

"What reports, who's putting out reports, last thing I need is the California Wildlife idiots coming around making accusations about something like this...I mean it's okay to have something like that on your dinner plate, just let them not see it crawling around, breathing and hissing...doesn't bode well around here...

BOB

"It was an inquiry from the Fish and Game Commission over from Sacramento, but Brian...that was a couple of months ago...based on a complaint a neighbor of yours made, but their never was a follow-up, they couldn't prove or find any thing circumstantial, so I guess they just pushed it aside and moved on...them Gaming dudes got bigger fish to fry anyway...they smart with Biology, but a little light on having any real personality...these aren't your drinking buddies...probably into farm animals for all I know, that's what I'm trying to say!"

BRIAN (LAUGHING)

"Really...farm animals, like Sheep Brenda, Clarence the Goat?"

BOB

"Lucy the Chicken, Porky the Pig...I don't know Brian, can't prove that any of that crap takes place, but at least they'd have a hobby..."

BRIAN

"Yea, something to hold on to...someone to be their friend...okay enough I'm snorting now...so can we get the order filled or what?"

BOB

"Well, you know I've got you permitted with two new hunters...the other three weren't consistent, kept forgetting their quotas and getting their tags for the day...these guys Matt Brown and Terry Sawyer have been doing this for about ten years a piece, got good attitudes, clean records, and always stay within their quotas...I got too much other shit to worry about...can't be baby sitting these guys...you run a business, you know where I'm coming from?"

SANDY HAS STOOD UP AND IS RUBBING BRIAN'S SHOULDERS, AS ONE OF HER HANDS STARTS TO EXPLORE HIS THIGH REGION, HE PUSHES HER HAND AWAY

BRIAN

"Yea, I sure do Bob...it makes life a lot easier if everybody can just do their job and I don't have to be looking over anybodies shoulder...so we good?"

BOB

"No problem, looks like I have you booked for the Tuesday night Fed-Ex to Modesto, delivery on Wednesday morning as usual, with the clothes on...I was just curious, how much more did they hit you up to ship whole Gators like that?"

BRIAN

"Guess?"

BOB

"I dunno a thousand...what"

BRIAN

"Times two, anyway...just sending the tails is in my budget, but that was before I realised what a slick business woman I had married, she could probably sell a Smartcar to a basketball player...anyway, thanks again, keep in touch, bye!"

HANGING UP PHONE HE STANDS UP, PUTTING HIS ARMS AROUND SANDY WITH A DEEP SENSUAL EMBRACE, THEY START TO KISS

SANDY

"Wow, what's gotten into you...anything on your mind you care to share with me?"

BRIAN

"Just getting a little emotional...the things you do, little idiosyncrasies about you that just make me feel so lucky that your in my life...please, and I say please with a passion, don't ever let me take you for granite...you know?"

SANDY TAKING BRIAN BY THE HAND AND WALKING HIM TO THE LITTLE COUCH IN THE CORNER OF THE OFFICE, SITTING HIM DOWN, SHE PROCEEDS TO SIT IN HIS LAP, CARESSING AND STROKING HIS FACE

SANDY

"Then, you won't have any trouble being truthful to me huh...right?"

BRIAN

"Sure, my sweety...what would you like me to be truthful about?"

SANDY

"Did you accidently decline a one hundred thousand dollar first place win in the best new product category?"

BRIAN SILENT

"Yea, I might have...but like you said, when the guy called, I thought he was a scamster...you were there, I even asked you if you had entered us into anything...remember?"

SANDY

"Damn Brian...why do you have to be so fucking honest all the time...I was getting ready to chew your head off for covering all this up...and what do you do...you tell the truth...gees, you drive me crazy!"

BRIAN (LAUGHING)

"Well Girl, what were you expecting, shit I could have use'd that money, too...did you ever think how I felt...what were you holding back?"

SANDY

"It was like all over the media circles, Wine sites, suddenly I just got mad about the whole thing, people laughing, the Cashman's with their nose up in the air, we're too good for your little Horse and Pony show...no Brian...we're not conceded are we?"

BRIAN

"No, but your not making me feel any better by bringing all this up again...when you think about it, after taxes, you'd probably only be looking at about forty-eight thousand anyway..."

SANDY STARTS CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY

"That's the book value on my my Range Rover...aw man...no, I could have bought out the lease damn it...it's just not fair!"

BRIAN

"You know...you could use, no you need a drink, a Valium, maybe a good..."

SANDY

"Fuck?"

BRIAN

"Yea, a good fuck...you have such a way with those special words...special meanings!"

SANDY

"I don't know about special meanings...isn't an act, as in specific act, requiring at least two to participate and mate the different parts, fitting them into each other like God designed it, so that we can be lover's, husband and wife forever and forever and..."

BRIAN RUNNING OVER TO LOCK FRONT DOOR, THEN RUNNING OVER AND LOCKING REAR EXIT, THEN CLOSING SHADES, THEN RUNNING OVER TO MINI BAR AND THROWING SOME PORT VODKA OVER SOME ICE CUBES AND RUNNING BACK TO SANDY WHO IS STILL CHANTING ABOUT THE ACT OF A FUCK

BRIAN (SITTING DOWN ON COUCH)

"Yea, I hear you...it all sounds like you have a complete understanding of the act, okay?"

SANDY

"Is this a special moment or something?"

BRIAN

"Not yet, but it will be..."

SANDY

"That's right, we've never fucked in the office...what was I missing here?"

BRIAN

"Don't worry, we'll fix that...trust me..."

SANDY

"Honest Engine, make whoopee with Squaw in new location, big news!"

BRIAN

"Yea, something like that, hang on, this should be good!"

scene close

Wine Mama (93) Fan Base Dilemma

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright

WINE MAMA (93)

FAN BASE DILEMMA

CASHMAN VINEYARDS-KITCHEN-TUESDAY-1 P.M.

BRIAN AND SANDY COME IN AFTER RELOADING THE VAN FOR ABOUT THE SIXTH TIME

BRIAN

"Boy, that's some work getting theses cases distributed!"

SANDY

"Yea, pretty good work out...let's rest a little while, I'm pooped..."

BRIAN

"You want a little lemonade, it's got some grenadine in it?"

SANDY

"That sounds refreshing, my tits are sweating...that's messed up!"

BRIAN

"Yea, that sucks...get you something to drink and go hit the shower or something?"

SANDY

"You wanna come save a little water and join me?"

BRIAN

I would, but we might not ever get out of there, the water tank only holds forty gallons!"

SANDY

"Yea, we have the clients to think about...boy, being a delivery service is really not my cup of tea!"

BRIAN

"So, who did we get this morning, I kinda lost count?"

SANDY GOING THROUGH PAPERWORK, COUNTING CASES WITH HER FINGERS

"Let's see, two cases for the Iberville, one case for the Taurus...those guys were being real pricks, a four cases for the Clairmont, Hotel Modesto did six, two for Igors, and four for Claudia's...looks like a total of nineteen so far!"

BRIAN

"And that was only six drop offs...oh boy!"

SANDY

"About seven more to go, but we may have to push off Albertsons and Vons for tomorrow, that's like twenty cases a piece right there!"

BRIAN

"Yea, but it's only two drops...I think it might be in our best interest to get a service, cause we still have a restaurant to run?"

SANDY

"Well, unless I click with some more locals, we'll probably be shipping the rest of this out anyway by truck...and I don't really like having people coming over to the barn anyway!"

BRIAN

"We could always do what Bill suggested and get some Dogs and a guard or something?"

SANDY

"How about we get some Bear's, some guard Bear's?"

BRIAN

"Yea, that would make them think twice, probably end up with a lot of drunk Bear's!"

SANDY

"With this stuff, they would be deemed perfectly harmless...I'm going to go take that shower, be right back..."

BRIAN GETS UP AND STARTS FOLLOWING HER DOWN THE HALL

SANDY

"What are you doing Mister Cashman?"

BRIAN

"Thought about what you said...I'd like to save a little water, too!"

(scene switch)

MANAGEMENT AT HOTEL MODESTO WHERE THEY JUST DELIVERED

SIX CASES IS DRAWING ATTENTION FROM THE HOUSE MIXOLOGIST

HE DISCUSSES POSSIBILITIES AND MERIT OVER WINE MAMA

CRAIG (HOUSE MIXOLOGIST)

"You know Mister Barns, the sip contest is coming up down at Dana Point, I really think Cashman should try entering this...it is his first go at this...really get his name on the board if he entered a couple of bottles of this?"

Mister Barns (GENERAL MANAGER OF HOTEL MODESTO)

"Yea, but I don't think he has that type of ego...he knows nothing about marketing...and on top of that, the deadline for entry is coming up!"

CRAIG

"Well, the discount is three-hundred and fifty dollars...but we might as well do a little creative marketing and get our name in there, too!"

BARNS

"Generally, that would be considered co-op marketing, but hey...we are representing the product...wonder if I should front this with that Sandy girl first?"

CRAIG

"No, let's surprise her...I mean the odds of winning are astronomical, but I'll bet we can at least take credit for bringing it to attention?"

BARNS

"Okay...let's do it, see what happens...the worst that can happen is that we get a little free publicity out of it!"

(1 week later)

GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-10 P.M.

BRIAN AND SANDY ARE BACK AT THE RESTAURANT AFTER SPENDING A TOTAL OF THREE DAYS SHIPPING OUT 

SANDY PRIDES HERSELF ON SELLING OVER A THOUSAND CASES TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF CALIFORNIA

SANDY

"I was thinking hon...we ought to drop some calls over to Vegas, see if we can get some product moving over there?"

BRIAN

"That's what I probably would have been doing to start with...but if we get too many repeat orders or something, we might not have any product to distribute...it's like with the Gators, only so much to go around..."

SANDY

"Yea, I wanted to ask you about that, when are you going to order some more whole Gators, I'm in the mood to put my cobbler back to work and tan up another collection handbags, belts, and wallets?"

BRIAN

"I don't mind doing that...but all the Gators must be dead...as in, all of them...that Mama Gator thing almost got us thrown under the jail!"

BRIAN'S HOUSE PHONE RINGS

BRIAN

"Hello, Gatortail...Brian Speaking!"

BILLY SCRIBBS (DIRECTOR OF SIP AWARDS)

"Yes, is this the Brian...thee Brian Cashman, the creator of Wine Mama, the Port Vodka?"

BRIAN

"Yes, this is thee Brian Cashman, what can I help you with today?"

SCRIBS

"Yes sir, this is Billy Scribbs...Director of the Sip Awards wine competition, and I just wanted to tell you that your unique style for Port Vodka just won first place in the most original newcomers division, congratulations sir!"

SILENCE WHILE BRIAN TRIES TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON

"Hold on one second Mister Scribbs...hey Sandy, did you enter us in a wine competition...who did you say you were with?"

SCRIBBS

"I'm the Director of the Sip Awards wine competition, we're based out of Sonoma, but this year will be doing the ceremonies out of Dana Point!"

SANDY

"No Brian, I haven't entered into any contest, you have to buy into those things anyway...like four, five hundred dollars sometimes, sounds like a scam...just hang up on him!"

BRIAN

"Okay Mister Scribbs or whatever your name is, nobody here remembers ever entering into a wine competition, and I want to warn you...I don't know where you got my business line number to call or what type of scam your trying to represent, but take me off your little phone list, and let's call it a day...understand?"

BRIAN HANGS UP PHONE

SANDY

"Coming out of the woodwork huh?"

BRIAN

"Apparently so, sure will be glad when we run out of product to sell!"

SANDY

"At least until next year...hey you interrupted me, are you going to be able to get Bill to give you some whole Gators for next week, Mama need a new handbag?"

BRIAN

"Yes Dear, whole Gators for the Lady...coming right up!"

(scene switch)

MODESTO HOTEL-BARN'S OFFICE-12 NOON

MISTER BARNS WATCHING FOOD NETWORK AT LUNCH

SEE'S THAT THEY POSTED WINNER'S OF SIPS AWARDS CONTEST

SEE'S THAT THE BIG NEWS WAS THAT THE WINNER OF THE MOST ORIGINAL NEWCOMER AWARD WAS BRIAN CASHMAN'S WINE MAMA AND THAT HE DECLINED GRAND PRIZE OF ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS AND THAT COACHMAN VINEYARDS OUT OF SONOMA COUNTY PICKED UP THE PRIZE AS THE RUNNER-UP

BARNS BOLTS OUT OF CHAIR, LOOKING FOR CASHMAN'S NUMBER IN HIS PHONE BANK, STARTS CALLING CASHMAN ON HIS SMARTPHONE

BRIAN PICKING UP

"Afternoon Gatortail, Brian speaking, how can I help you?"

BARNS

"Brian Cashman?"

BRIAN

"That be me, who's this?"

BARNS

"This is Dale Barns, General Manager with the Hotel Modesto and you just declined first place in the Sip Awards down at Dana Point...how could you?"

BRIAN

"For one thing, we never entered any competitions Dale, all I can remember is that my wife Sandy cold-called you and you ordered six cases of Wine Mama, we delivered it a couple of weeks ago, of which we appreciate it...if your having some personal issues with my product, I can get you your money back on any unopened bottles, but other than that...the competition is a scam...I talked to some Director this morning, probably wanted some money out of me or something and I just hung up on the guy...is that okay with you?"

BARNS

"You couldn't be more wrong...it's a legitimate competition, and my bartender and myself were so impressed with Wine Mama that I ponied up three hundred and fifty dollars and entered some of your bottles that I purchased from you!

BRIAN

"Why would you use your money for my product or getting me involved in a competition without asking me first?"

BARNS

"It was suppose to be a surprise...I figured that we could get a little free advertising out of it for the Hotel carrying your product, like a co-op thing, thought it was good business..."

BRIAN

"Well, I'm really sorry you went through all that trouble for a little award, probably a little statue of a glass or something, right?"

BARNS

"No Brian...there was a trophy that..."

BRIAN

"See, there you go...a stupid little trophy that..."

BARNS

"Came with a check for a hundred thousand dollars first prize money!"

BRIAN GULPING

"Your kidding right?"

BARNS

"Wish I was, you just threw away one hundred large...what were you thinking?"

BRIAN

"On a couple of levels I'm mad that you didn't tell me about this...it's my first batch and I don't know all the marketing gimmicks...look I need you to do two things for me?"

BARNS

"What are they?"

BRIAN

"Accept my check for five-thousand dollars that I'm sending you okay?"

BARNS

"What's that for?"

BRIAN

"To cover the cost on your entry fee and to promise me with your hand on the Bible not to ever mention a peep of any of this to Sandy...understand, she'd kill my ass!"

BARNS

"A little shut my mouth bribe, huh?"

BRIAN

"And you'll get to go to heaven!"

BARNS

"Understood perfectly..." 

BRIAN

"Good man!"

scene close

Wine Mama (92) Taster's Choice

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2014

WINE MAMA (92)

TASTER'S CHOICE

INT: COLUMBUS WINERY-PRODUCTION ROOM-3 A.M.

BILL WARD'S GRAVEYARD SHIFT HARD AT WORK TRYING TO GET ALL OF BRIAN'S WINE BOTTLED UP AND BOXED

ANTONIO (Lead Foreman)

"Have we tested in the last hundred bottles?

FELIPE

"No, no...I haven't, are you concerned about something?"

ANTONIO

"This is fresh distillation, we don't know the quality, it's only settled for day, can't figure how much Brandy we mixed, this stuff could go through the roof if we didn't kill the starter...the yeasting could take us over the limit..."

FELIPE

It's a little late to worry about what the Hydrometer says, we're already at eight thousand two hundred and sixty eight bottles...what ever got bottled up, it will be our..."

ANTONIO

"Our own little secret?"

FELIPE

"Something like that, wanna just taste it and get an impression?"

ANTONIO

"Sure, why not?"

(1 Hour Later)

ANTONIO AND FELIPE ARE SITTING ON FLOOR LAYING AGAINST FEEDER TANK WHICH HASN'T BEEN REPLENISHED AND IS TRYING TO FILL UP EMPTY BOTTLES

BOTH OF THEM ARE SEVERELY INEBRIATED

ANTONIO LAYS ON HIS SIDE, HOLDING HIS HEAD UP WITH HIS HAND

ANTONIO

"Hey Amigos, that shit kicked my duckus...you okay?"

FELIPE

"No, no I'm not okay...are we having an earthquake...cause tank is moving around?"

ANTONIO

"The earthquake...it's in your head...feels like I'm hallucinating, we need to add maybe some water or it will melt the glass or something!" 

FELIPE FINALLY STANDS UP AND MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO THE VAT AND STARTS PUMPING WINE THROUGH A SIEVE FILTER, THEN TO THE FEEDER TANK

ANTONIO TAKES SAMPLE WITH THE HYDROMETER

READS THE DEVICE

ANTONIO

"Fuck, I'm at one hundred and twenty proof, think anyone will notice?"

FELIPE

"I noticed, you noticed, and if anything you could use this as starter fluid..."

ANTONIO

"Are if you had a project, like to remove paint..."

FELIPE

"Or start a fire on wet wood, yea...all kinds of uses...but if you drink it..."

ANTONIO

"Make sure you bring your fucking ice cubes man, bring the damn cubes!"

FELIPE

"They wouldn't last too long, but at least if you spilled any of this on the floor...

ANTONIO

"You wouldn't burn a damn hole in it!"

BOTH LAUGHING AS THEY SLIP DOWN TO THE FLOOR AGAIN

(3 Hours Later)

BILL WARD SHOWS UP EARLY TO CHECK ON HIS LITTLE PRODUCTION TEAM

SEE'S THEM BOTH PASSED OUT ON FLOOR

ABOUT FIVE-HUNDRED BOTTLES SITTING IN THE RECEIVER ALREADY FILLED UP

MACHINE HAS ALREADY CYCLED SO LONG THAT HE FINDS THE CIRCUIT BREAKERS HAVE ALL POPPED OFF ON THE PUMP FEEDS

HE WAKES THEM UP BY THROWING A BUCKET OF COLD WATER ON THEM

BILL WARD

"What are you guys doing....are you two drunk or something?"


ANTONIO

"Sorry Mister Ward, but we tasted some of that wine to see if it was right and we got carried away!"


BILL WARD

"Well, I can't have you guys doing that...you know the rules, not only that but it's dangerous, what if something caught fire, and look at all the time you've wasted..."


FELIPE

"I'm sorry, we were measuring with the hydrometer and this mix got carried away, almost a hundred and thirty proof and..."


ANTONIO

"We were trying to bring it down and we just kept sipping..."


BILL LAUGHING

"Yea, I've done that a few times, especially with Port...if you let it get away from you it will drive you crazy trying to fix it!"


FELIPE

"Not to mention, it get's you mucho fucked up!"


BILL

"So, is it good now...does it have good taste?"


ANTONIO

"It's delicious, but it kicks like a mule, really sneaks up on you!"


BILL

"Well, that's what Cashman wanted...his little dream came true...but I still think I ought to kick you guys to the curb!"


FELIPE

"No, please...give us another try, it won't happen again, it's just that I really don't have any other place to go...please Mister Bill, it just took us by surprise, this is only the second time we've even fooled with Port...please?"


BILL

"Well, what's done has been done, so I hope you learned something from the experience anyway...so which bottles are hot?"

FELIPE AND ANTONIO LOOKING AT EACH OTHER


ANTONIO

"I don't really know...we had already cased it up before we started diluting...if we hadn't checked..."


FELIPE

"If we hadn't checked it would all be hot...but it changed probably around three in the morning...but I can't be sure!"


BILL

"There's not much I can do right now, just take our chances cause I don't have any extra bottles right now, and I told Cashman we would have everything ready to be picked up this afternoon, we still have Thomson to get started on and then the Greeley's wanted me to go pick up their stash and start dethatching and cleaning it up."


ANTONIO

"So, what do you when this happens?"


BILL

"Not much to do, just cross our fingers?"


FELIPE

One thing for sure?"


BILL

"What's that?"


FELIPE

"Someone out there going to run into some hot bottles and have a real good time...that shit's gonna kick someone's ass!"

EVERYBODY LAUGHING

(scene switch)


GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRYAN'S OFFICE-MONDAY-10 A.M.

BRYAN TALKING TO BILL WARD ON PHONE


BILL

"So, we've got your wine finished...busted our tail, but we got it done!"


BRYAN

"That's amazing how you pulled that off, can't wait to try the final product...it's a dream come true for me, Bill...I must admit, despite all the bullshit and interference you are a man of your word, can't thank you enough for everything..."


BILL

"That's what we're here for, I'm just glad we were able to catch this is time...I was getting nervous when it started turning, but we caught it in time...did you have a place you want to truck this to, cause I'll call my driver up and bring it out to you, need to make room for a client I have coming in this afternoon?"


BRYAN

"What was the total on the output anyway?"


BILL

"We came to one thousand and two-hundred and fifty cases, right at about fifteen thousand liter bottles...would have been more if they hadn't tried stealing it, I'm still amazed that we were able to save that much?"


BRYAN

"Yea, that was too weird, like an act of God..."


BILL

"I swear Byann, you have to be the luckiest man I know, do you do lottery numbers, too?"


BRYAN

"No, but maybe I should try a few and see what happens...well, look...I guess I could keep them over in the barn, but it's not the most secure location...do you have any secured warehouses I could rent or something?"


BILL

"Yea, but if your going to start distributing it, maybe just get a guard, maybe some security dogs, cause if your going to need to access it, these warehouses are more trouble than they're worth...it's more like for long term storage...sounds to me you want to move this stuff?"


BRYAN

"The way Sandy is confirming orders, it will all be gone in a week, the girl is freaking amazing the way she can close a deal, yea...will it fit on one trailer or what?"


BILL

"About a trailer and a half, so just bring it out to your winery...say about lunch cause I"m running short on space here?"


BRYAN

"Sounds good to me, you need any help?"


BILL

"No, just Philipe and Antonio and a pallet jack, and we should be able to knock it out pretty quick!"


BRYAN

"See you then, bye!"

SANDY WALKS IN OFFICE


SANDY

"What's the big smile for, look like you just won the lottery?"


BRYAN

"Yea, in a sense I just did...Bill Ward just called, all the wine is bottled and cased up, he delivering it to the barn over at the vineyards around noon."


SANDY

"Why there, you don't have a warehouse or something?"


BRYAN

"Availability Hon, I mean you almost sold it all before we even got it in the bottles...we'll be going in and out anyway and Bill thought that putting it in a warehouse wasn't a good idea."


SANDY

"Well, maybe I could pack a picnic basket and we could do a little taste testing, so what we've got here!"


BRYAN

"That's a great idea, cause we don't have any food at the vineyard...haven't been over there in a while anyway..."

(Six Hours Later)

AFTER BILL DELIVERED ALL THE CASES OF WINE TO THE BARN

BRYAN AND SANDY OPENED UP ONE OF THE CASES AND TASTED THE PORT VODKA

HOWEVER, THE CASE THEY DECIDED TO TRY JUST HAPPENED TO BE ONE OF THE "HOT" ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY PROOF BOTTLES

THEY ARE BOTH HAMMERED JUST LAYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE BARN


SANDY

"I don't know about you, but that's some of the strongest shit I think I've ever drank!"


BRYAN

"Yea, that seemed a lot more than a hundred proof..."


SANDY

"Crap the ice cubes are trying to jump out of the glass when you put them in...however it's really good...you've got a hit on your hands, I'm so proud of you!"


BRYAN

"I'm proud of both of us for hanging in there..."


SANDY

"Shall we celebrate with a little lovey-dovy?"


BRYAN

"I would, but I can't feel anything...I don't think I can get it up?"


SANDY

"Let me see if I can help you..."


BRYAN

"This is the first time this has ever happened?"


SANDY

"That's your Wine Mama, keeping them down on the farm!"


BRYAN

"Nothing..."


SANDY

"Yea, it's just lifeless...it just went to sleep...next time let's try diluting it a little."


BRYAN

"Definitely...care for and nap, and we'll try a again in an hour or two?"


SANDY

"Yea because I just realised something?"


BRYAN

"What?"


SANDY

"I can't even feel myself down there..."


BRYAN

"Have a good nap Sandy!"


SANDY

"You too big boy!"




scene close