Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2014
WINE MAMA
TELEPATHIC SANDY
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-MONDAY-10 A.M.
BRIAN AND SANDY SITTING AT THEIR USUAL NOOKS, BEHIND THEIR COMPUTER SCREENS DOING THEIR VARIOUS TASK, EVERYTHING IS THE SAME EXCEPT THE TWO ARE BEING UNUSUALLY QUIET, NO BACK AND FORTH CHATTER
PHONE RINGS, IT'S BOB WITH BOB'S GATOR EMPORIUM IN NEW ORLEANS
BRIAN
"Hey Bob, been waiting on your call...keeping you busy down there?"
BOB
"Yea, the Gator's have got my ass by the tail, so I was looking at your messages and you were requesting ten whole Gators...I mean that first time was an accident, what's up?"
BRIAN
"Well, Sandy's my wife now, not that that has much to do with it...
SANDY LOOKS UP FROM COMPUTER, STICKING HER TONGUE OUT
...but she has a Cobbler guy, leather specialist dude who did some fantastic things with the skin we had from that accidental batch of Gators you sent...they're a lot pricier when they still got their clothes on, that's what I'm trying to say...but she had the hides made into designer purses, wallets, belts...made a pretty tidy profit off of it, covered all that extra shipping cost, too and well...she was requesting another supply...can we do it?"
BOB
"Well, you know me Brian, I can pretty much get you anything you want, was just curious about those reports of a Mama Gator that was still partially alive in that first shipment, what happened there?
BRIAN
"What reports, who's putting out reports, last thing I need is the California Wildlife idiots coming around making accusations about something like this...I mean it's okay to have something like that on your dinner plate, just let them not see it crawling around, breathing and hissing...doesn't bode well around here...
BOB
"It was an inquiry from the Fish and Game Commission over from Sacramento, but Brian...that was a couple of months ago...based on a complaint a neighbor of yours made, but their never was a follow-up, they couldn't prove or find any thing circumstantial, so I guess they just pushed it aside and moved on...them Gaming dudes got bigger fish to fry anyway...they smart with Biology, but a little light on having any real personality...these aren't your drinking buddies...probably into farm animals for all I know, that's what I'm trying to say!"
BRIAN (LAUGHING)
"Really...farm animals, like Sheep Brenda, Clarence the Goat?"
BOB
"Lucy the Chicken, Porky the Pig...I don't know Brian, can't prove that any of that crap takes place, but at least they'd have a hobby..."
BRIAN
"Yea, something to hold on to...someone to be their friend...okay enough I'm snorting now...so can we get the order filled or what?"
BOB
"Well, you know I've got you permitted with two new hunters...the other three weren't consistent, kept forgetting their quotas and getting their tags for the day...these guys Matt Brown and Terry Sawyer have been doing this for about ten years a piece, got good attitudes, clean records, and always stay within their quotas...I got too much other shit to worry about...can't be baby sitting these guys...you run a business, you know where I'm coming from?"
SANDY HAS STOOD UP AND IS RUBBING BRIAN'S SHOULDERS, AS ONE OF HER HANDS STARTS TO EXPLORE HIS THIGH REGION, HE PUSHES HER HAND AWAY
BRIAN
"Yea, I sure do Bob...it makes life a lot easier if everybody can just do their job and I don't have to be looking over anybodies shoulder...so we good?"
BOB
"No problem, looks like I have you booked for the Tuesday night Fed-Ex to Modesto, delivery on Wednesday morning as usual, with the clothes on...I was just curious, how much more did they hit you up to ship whole Gators like that?"
BRIAN
"Guess?"
BOB
"I dunno a thousand...what"
BRIAN
"Times two, anyway...just sending the tails is in my budget, but that was before I realised what a slick business woman I had married, she could probably sell a Smartcar to a basketball player...anyway, thanks again, keep in touch, bye!"
HANGING UP PHONE HE STANDS UP, PUTTING HIS ARMS AROUND SANDY WITH A DEEP SENSUAL EMBRACE, THEY START TO KISS
SANDY
"Wow, what's gotten into you...anything on your mind you care to share with me?"
BRIAN
"Just getting a little emotional...the things you do, little idiosyncrasies about you that just make me feel so lucky that your in my life...please, and I say please with a passion, don't ever let me take you for granite...you know?"
SANDY TAKING BRIAN BY THE HAND AND WALKING HIM TO THE LITTLE COUCH IN THE CORNER OF THE OFFICE, SITTING HIM DOWN, SHE PROCEEDS TO SIT IN HIS LAP, CARESSING AND STROKING HIS FACE
SANDY
"Then, you won't have any trouble being truthful to me huh...right?"
BRIAN
"Sure, my sweety...what would you like me to be truthful about?"
SANDY
"Did you accidently decline a one hundred thousand dollar first place win in the best new product category?"
BRIAN SILENT
"Yea, I might have...but like you said, when the guy called, I thought he was a scamster...you were there, I even asked you if you had entered us into anything...remember?"
SANDY
"Damn Brian...why do you have to be so fucking honest all the time...I was getting ready to chew your head off for covering all this up...and what do you do...you tell the truth...gees, you drive me crazy!"
BRIAN (LAUGHING)
"Well Girl, what were you expecting, shit I could have use'd that money, too...did you ever think how I felt...what were you holding back?"
SANDY
"It was like all over the media circles, Wine sites, suddenly I just got mad about the whole thing, people laughing, the Cashman's with their nose up in the air, we're too good for your little Horse and Pony show...no Brian...we're not conceded are we?"
BRIAN
"No, but your not making me feel any better by bringing all this up again...when you think about it, after taxes, you'd probably only be looking at about forty-eight thousand anyway..."
SANDY STARTS CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY
"That's the book value on my my Range Rover...aw man...no, I could have bought out the lease damn it...it's just not fair!"
BRIAN
"You know...you could use, no you need a drink, a Valium, maybe a good..."
SANDY
"Fuck?"
BRIAN
"Yea, a good fuck...you have such a way with those special words...special meanings!"
SANDY
"I don't know about special meanings...isn't an act, as in specific act, requiring at least two to participate and mate the different parts, fitting them into each other like God designed it, so that we can be lover's, husband and wife forever and forever and..."
BRIAN RUNNING OVER TO LOCK FRONT DOOR, THEN RUNNING OVER AND LOCKING REAR EXIT, THEN CLOSING SHADES, THEN RUNNING OVER TO MINI BAR AND THROWING SOME PORT VODKA OVER SOME ICE CUBES AND RUNNING BACK TO SANDY WHO IS STILL CHANTING ABOUT THE ACT OF A FUCK
BRIAN (SITTING DOWN ON COUCH)
"Yea, I hear you...it all sounds like you have a complete understanding of the act, okay?"
SANDY
"Is this a special moment or something?"
BRIAN
"Not yet, but it will be..."
SANDY
"That's right, we've never fucked in the office...what was I missing here?"
BRIAN
"Don't worry, we'll fix that...trust me..."
SANDY
"Honest Engine, make whoopee with Squaw in new location, big news!"
BRIAN
"Yea, something like that, hang on, this should be good!"
scene close
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