Wine Mama (9)-Sore Toes

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (9)

SORE TOES

EXT:  HUDSON VINEYARDS- A.M.

BRIAN PULLING UP ON DRIVEWAY, SANDY ALREADY STANDING IN A ROBE AND FLIP-FLOPS, JUMPING UP AND DOWN, AS HIS PRESENCE TRIPS OFF MOTION DETECTOR, CAUSING BOTH PHONES TO RING

BRIAN GETS OUT OF VAN, GIVING HER A HUG

BRIAN

"So, let me guess, no mating pairs of raccoon's, no Bear's, nobody walking around crunching on leaves?"

SANDY

"No nothing, just quiet, serene, very pleasant...drank some of that wine you gave me, watched a little Leno, got through Jimmy Fallon's monologue, and then I just conked out!"

BRIAN

"We were pretty busy last night, I would have checked in but my supplier down in Louisiana got popped for illegal gator tailing, meaning he didn't have any permits for harvesting them. Apparently, you are only allowed to hunt so many, and I guess I kind of pushed him to exceed his permitted quota. Instead of giving me the low-down, he just decided to risk pushing the envelope a bit...so I have to look for another supplier...anyway, I'm glad you got some sleep!"

SANDY

"I'm still tripping on that phone thing, watching you pull into the driveway...I knew it was you right away."

BRIAN

"That's what the system is intended to do...just glad it's working, just make sure you keep your phone on and charged."

SANDY

"I got it...so what are we doing today?"

BRIAN

"We're going to see which of our babies get to stay, or get pound into little sheets of wine paper...maybe do a little pruning...looking for any signs of fibrous activity in all those dead-ass looking vines out here!"

SANDY

"I can't believe anything out here is still alive!"

"Well, the stronger ones will usually go dormant, conserve energy, but the underlying root complex is tied in with each other...not to mention the milkweeds, the mushrooms, lilies  pretty much anything that grows around them. It's a dead give away if you know what to look for...cause the grape vines give them carbon, and mold and weeds provide the sugar, so you don't ever want to over weed grape vines...it's a pretty cool relationship when it's up and running!"

SANDY

"Your so fucking smart...really pisses me off at how dumb I am."

BRIAN

"That's a hell of a way to start the morning, not sure if that was a complement or maybe we should just have a pity party for poor old Sandy...oh, here's your clippers and gloves."

(2 HOURS LATER)

SANDY HAS ABANDONED HER FLIP-FLOPS, NOW STANDING BAREFOOT IN THE DIRT, CLIPPING THE EXCESS BRANCHES OFF THE VINES

BRIAN IS DOWN THE ROW CLIPPING SAMPLES, LOOKING FOR SALVAGEABLE NEW GROWTH

SANDY

"Don't they have people for this?"

BRIAN

"People?"

SANDY

"Yea...people conditioned to be out here doing this all the time?"

BRIAN

"You don't have any money and slaves are illegal, or have you heard?"

SANDY

"We could trade their efforts for grapes or something."

BRIAN

"I spent all my money on bailing you out, so we work!"

SANDY

"Never thought I'd ever hear myself say this, but my toes hurt."

BRIAN

"Guess your better suited to laying on a lounge chair with a Mai-Tie in your hand."

SANDY

"Yea, with somebody rubbing my toes!"

BRIAN

"Your a real piece of work...you know that?"

SANDY

"Actually, you know, if you were in the mood, you could take me right back to the house...right now and just worship me, maybe cook me something, maybe ball my brains out...shit, I haven't had a good balling in a while...and I'm in the mood for it, too!"

BRIAN

"Sandy...just stop being so clinical...this is our little labor of Love, it's not going to kill you. If you know anything about the spiritual world, then you would know that plants have feelings, too!"

SANDY

"Okay, what kind of feelings do plants have?"

BRIAN

"I don't know, it's like that can sense that you Love them, care for them, they thrive on positive influence, when you touch them, they feel the electricity coming off your hands, they respond...it's been proven..."

SANDY

"Wonder what kind of stress a tomato plant goes through when you enter their zone, knowing and sensing that your about to turn them into salad?"

BRIAN LAUGHING

BRIAN

"But that's just the fruit, it's their offering, not the whole plant!"

SANDY

"Plant Psychiatry 101, guess I'm just learning all kinds of stuff today..."

(2 HOURS LATER)

SANDY SITTING AT TABLE, JUST SHOWERED WITH TOWEL STILL IN HAIR, LOOKING AT A FRESHLY TOSSED SALAD, WITH A FORK IN HER HAND, GETTING READY TO EAT

BRIAN COMES OUT OF KITCHEN WITH FRESHLY GRILLED TRI-TIPS WITH OVERSTUFFED MUSHROOMS AND CHEESE DRENCHED BAKED POTATOES

BRIAN

"Hey girl, why don't you dig in?"

SANDY

"I'm talking to the cucumbers...I think they're taking the fifth, haven't said one word to me yet!"

BRIAN

"Just poke 'em a little, they'll talk...try water boarding them with some of that good dressing I just made, that'll do the trick..."

BRIAN SITS DOWN, THEY BOTH START EATING

SANDY

"Hey, I have request?"

BRIAN

"What?"

SANDY

"Remember what I was saying earlier, out in the garden?"

BRIAN

"Sandy, your my business partner...getting your ass balled is not going to fix anything...it's just going to muddle everything up!"

SANDY

"Look, just stay with me tonight, you can even sleep in the spare room...I won't bother you."

BRIAN

"Not yet anyway..."

SANDY

"Yet...not yet, well yet it's a bet!"

BRIAN FINISHES HIS STEAK AND GETS UP

BRIAN

"Come here you horny little tramp!"

GRABBING HER BY THE MID-SECTION, HE FLINGS HER OVER HIS SHOULDER. CARRYING HER INTO THE BEDROOM

SANDY

"But wait, I haven't even finished my salad yet?"

BRIAN

"Fuck the salad, you can talk to your veggie friends later!"

SLAMMING THE BEDROOM DOOR

(scene close)