Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013
WINE MAMA (76)
GATORS IN THE OVEN
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-9 A.M.
BRIAN WORKING ON LAST NIGHTS RECEIPTS
SANDY WEARING SUNDRESS, HEELS OFF, FEET UP ON DESK, STARING AT HER LAPTOP IN HER LAP
SANDY
"You think I should call Bob again, Mama's bugging me?"
BRIAN
"Who's Mama?"
SANDY
"Our Mama, the one blocking off most of a public stream, something's not right about all this!"
BRIAN
"I have an idea, why don't you just take your forty-five, go down there and just blast the thing?"
SANDY
"Can't just do that, I couldn't live with myself..."
BRIAN
"You got over the little baby Bear?"
SANDY
"Yea, well that was different, that was an accident!"
BRIAN
"Well San...call Bob for Christ sake, I'd like to know how long this little waiting game is going to be on these eggs, I'm getting kinda of nervous too, you know?"
SANDY ALREADY ON PHONE
SANDY
"Way ahead of you big Daddy...Hey Bob, it's Sandy, got a moment?"
BOB ON PHONE
"Sure Sandy, how's our Gator doing?"
SANDY
"In the stream, blocking most of the natural drainage coming out of Modesto from ever getting to the sea...no biggy, it's dug down into some leaves and mud under an overhang of bushes, that's kind of why I called, I mean...is it cool leaving her there like that?"
BOB
"As far as she's concerned, she's probably set up shop, lay her eggs, bury them where the mud can get some sunlight, cause the warmth of the egg shell determines what gets born, not much you can do till that occurs."
SANDY
"When you say what gets born, whatcha mean?"
BOB
"Well for a Southern Gator, any temps below eighty-six will all be females, anything above ninety and they'll be males."
SANDY
"Well that sucks, it never gets that warm in Modesto this time of year, and all those trees, I mean, it's impossible...what about if the temp is at eighty-eight, does that make them gay or something?"
BOB LAUGHING
"It might, you never know, that's why they have such strict rules for farming operations on any aquatics that aren't in a controlled and approved environment, you could get into a lot of trouble with the feds if they found out you were allowing this to take place, so be very, very careful!"
SANDY
"Okay, so what's the game plan, or at least what would be the best game plan in your opinion?"
BOB
"Wait for her to lay her eggs, then give it a day or two...you might want to see if Brian can set up some surveillance, a camera or something...because after that, after she figures that everybody has been buried alive, so to speak...she will probably high-tail it out of there, which would not be a good thing, so...just keep an eye on what's going and be prepared to take some quick action when the comes!"
BRIAN
"Ask him how long is it going to take for her to dump this load of Tator Tots and throttle the waddle anyway?"
SANDY
"How longs do the eggs take to hatch?"
BOB
"Depending on how warm it get's, climate conditions, predators like Racoons and stuff, between forty and fifty days, but the better idea is to verify that she has laid them, wait for her to take off, go back and dig up the eggs and go put them in your birthing pool."
SANDY
"Oh, so we just hatch them ourselves, like a little nursery, that sounds exciting...so what about Mama?"
BOB
"Well Sandy, if your lucky enough to catch up with the thing without drawing much attention, before it get's too far downstream and start eating people and things like that, you may want consider killing the thing somehow...for everybodies safety!"
SANDY
"I guess you were right Brian, even Bob wants me to go down and blast the thing...that is after...how you say...bury the Tator Tots (laughing), that's kind of cute."
BOB
"Now, get a wireless camera with night vision with motion detection, they have lot's of models, and get that looking in the direction of the nest, cause your only going to have about twenty-four or so hours before Mama tails it out of there, and in the mean time start figuring out the placement of this pool in your barn, because you need it like off in the cornor where you can cover it up from any observation or detection from other animals, also all the noise, too"
SANDY
"All the noise, what noise, where's the noise coming from?"
BOB
"From the Gator's in the eggs, they start screaming for Mama to come let them out, and that can go on for over a week, it's like high squealing, it carrys a bit!"
SANDY
"I'm starting to think we should just go on head and kill Mama, butcher her up, get the eggs and make a shitload of Gator omelets...this is not only risky, but a big pain in the ass, too!"
BOB
"Well now Sandy, it's your Gator on your property, and although David and me were friends from way back, if you should get cited for this...well look, I would really appreciate it if my name didn't come up as anyone who gave assistance or course of action, understand?"
SANDY
"Oh sure Bob, I completely understand, putting your creditability on the line for an old family friend...after all, they don't call me the Annie Oakley of Modesto for nothing!"
BOB
"Well, I'll give assistance, but if they ask about where you got it...just say you Googled it or something!"
SANDY
"Shit Bob, I blast bad guys, Raccoons, Bears...if the things don't do what I tell them, I send them to Sandy's blast museum...but Bob, it was fun and thanks again, take care!"
BOB
"Anytime I can be of help girl, just ring me up, be good...bye!"
SANDY STANDING UP AND WALKING OVER TO BRIAN WHO'S HAS HIS HEAD BURIED INTO A WEBSITE ON EXOTIC FOOD TRENDS
SANDY
"What you looking at?"
BRIAN
"You got me thinking, about what's the best way to prepare a Gator omelet?
SLAPPING HIM ON THE BACK
SANDY
"Brian, we were just talking like that in fun, we're not going to make Gator omelets or anything, what are you thinking crazy boy?"
BRIAN
"Despite your good humor about all this, I could lose my permit to import any exotic meats, living or dead into the state of California, lose my business, and well...I'd prefer to avoid that!"
SANDY STARING OUT THE WINDOW
SILENCE IN ROOM
SANDY
"Find some good recipes boy!"
SANDY PUTTING HER HEELS ON AND PICKING UP HER STUFF, GRABBING HER KEYS
BRIAN
"Where are you going my deranged Bride?"
SANDY
"Going back to the vineyard, I gotta gun to clean...Mama's days are numbered!"
scene close
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-9 A.M.
BRIAN WORKING ON LAST NIGHTS RECEIPTS
SANDY WEARING SUNDRESS, HEELS OFF, FEET UP ON DESK, STARING AT HER LAPTOP IN HER LAP
SANDY
"You think I should call Bob again, Mama's bugging me?"
BRIAN
"Who's Mama?"
SANDY
"Our Mama, the one blocking off most of a public stream, something's not right about all this!"
BRIAN
"I have an idea, why don't you just take your forty-five, go down there and just blast the thing?"
SANDY
"Can't just do that, I couldn't live with myself..."
BRIAN
"You got over the little baby Bear?"
SANDY
"Yea, well that was different, that was an accident!"
BRIAN
"Well San...call Bob for Christ sake, I'd like to know how long this little waiting game is going to be on these eggs, I'm getting kinda of nervous too, you know?"
SANDY ALREADY ON PHONE
SANDY
"Way ahead of you big Daddy...Hey Bob, it's Sandy, got a moment?"
BOB ON PHONE
"Sure Sandy, how's our Gator doing?"
SANDY
"In the stream, blocking most of the natural drainage coming out of Modesto from ever getting to the sea...no biggy, it's dug down into some leaves and mud under an overhang of bushes, that's kind of why I called, I mean...is it cool leaving her there like that?"
BOB
"As far as she's concerned, she's probably set up shop, lay her eggs, bury them where the mud can get some sunlight, cause the warmth of the egg shell determines what gets born, not much you can do till that occurs."
SANDY
"When you say what gets born, whatcha mean?"
BOB
"Well for a Southern Gator, any temps below eighty-six will all be females, anything above ninety and they'll be males."
SANDY
"Well that sucks, it never gets that warm in Modesto this time of year, and all those trees, I mean, it's impossible...what about if the temp is at eighty-eight, does that make them gay or something?"
BOB LAUGHING
"It might, you never know, that's why they have such strict rules for farming operations on any aquatics that aren't in a controlled and approved environment, you could get into a lot of trouble with the feds if they found out you were allowing this to take place, so be very, very careful!"
SANDY
"Okay, so what's the game plan, or at least what would be the best game plan in your opinion?"
BOB
"Wait for her to lay her eggs, then give it a day or two...you might want to see if Brian can set up some surveillance, a camera or something...because after that, after she figures that everybody has been buried alive, so to speak...she will probably high-tail it out of there, which would not be a good thing, so...just keep an eye on what's going and be prepared to take some quick action when the comes!"
BRIAN
"Ask him how long is it going to take for her to dump this load of Tator Tots and throttle the waddle anyway?"
SANDY
"How longs do the eggs take to hatch?"
BOB
"Depending on how warm it get's, climate conditions, predators like Racoons and stuff, between forty and fifty days, but the better idea is to verify that she has laid them, wait for her to take off, go back and dig up the eggs and go put them in your birthing pool."
SANDY
"Oh, so we just hatch them ourselves, like a little nursery, that sounds exciting...so what about Mama?"
BOB
"Well Sandy, if your lucky enough to catch up with the thing without drawing much attention, before it get's too far downstream and start eating people and things like that, you may want consider killing the thing somehow...for everybodies safety!"
SANDY
"I guess you were right Brian, even Bob wants me to go down and blast the thing...that is after...how you say...bury the Tator Tots (laughing), that's kind of cute."
BOB
"Now, get a wireless camera with night vision with motion detection, they have lot's of models, and get that looking in the direction of the nest, cause your only going to have about twenty-four or so hours before Mama tails it out of there, and in the mean time start figuring out the placement of this pool in your barn, because you need it like off in the cornor where you can cover it up from any observation or detection from other animals, also all the noise, too"
SANDY
"All the noise, what noise, where's the noise coming from?"
BOB
"From the Gator's in the eggs, they start screaming for Mama to come let them out, and that can go on for over a week, it's like high squealing, it carrys a bit!"
SANDY
"I'm starting to think we should just go on head and kill Mama, butcher her up, get the eggs and make a shitload of Gator omelets...this is not only risky, but a big pain in the ass, too!"
BOB
"Well now Sandy, it's your Gator on your property, and although David and me were friends from way back, if you should get cited for this...well look, I would really appreciate it if my name didn't come up as anyone who gave assistance or course of action, understand?"
SANDY
"Oh sure Bob, I completely understand, putting your creditability on the line for an old family friend...after all, they don't call me the Annie Oakley of Modesto for nothing!"
BOB
"Well, I'll give assistance, but if they ask about where you got it...just say you Googled it or something!"
SANDY
"Shit Bob, I blast bad guys, Raccoons, Bears...if the things don't do what I tell them, I send them to Sandy's blast museum...but Bob, it was fun and thanks again, take care!"
BOB
"Anytime I can be of help girl, just ring me up, be good...bye!"
SANDY STANDING UP AND WALKING OVER TO BRIAN WHO'S HAS HIS HEAD BURIED INTO A WEBSITE ON EXOTIC FOOD TRENDS
SANDY
"What you looking at?"
BRIAN
"You got me thinking, about what's the best way to prepare a Gator omelet?
SLAPPING HIM ON THE BACK
SANDY
"Brian, we were just talking like that in fun, we're not going to make Gator omelets or anything, what are you thinking crazy boy?"
BRIAN
"Despite your good humor about all this, I could lose my permit to import any exotic meats, living or dead into the state of California, lose my business, and well...I'd prefer to avoid that!"
SANDY STARING OUT THE WINDOW
SILENCE IN ROOM
SANDY
"Find some good recipes boy!"
SANDY PUTTING HER HEELS ON AND PICKING UP HER STUFF, GRABBING HER KEYS
BRIAN
"Where are you going my deranged Bride?"
SANDY
"Going back to the vineyard, I gotta gun to clean...Mama's days are numbered!"
scene close
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