Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013
WINE MAMA (71)
MATRIMONY OF EPIDERMIS
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-MONDAY-9 A.M.
SANDY AND BRIAN GOING THROUGH SUNDAY RECEIPTS
SANDY
"You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but whatever that cincture John cooked up for you...well, it's causing your face to peel...like big time, your starting to resemble one of them Outback blooming onions!"
BRIAN
"Yea, and it's probably going to get worse before it get's better, too!"
SANDY
"It just looks weird, looks like you splattered your face with oatmeal..."
BRIAN
"Think of it like a sunburn...the body gets rid of the dead skin, to make way for the new...something like that...I just happen to be speeding up the process a bit!"
SANDY WALKS OVER AND CARESSES BRIAN'S PEELING FACE
SANDY
You know, I will always Love you my peely face, but it's hard seeing you like this!"
BRIAN
"Within a month it will be all good, my epidermis will get it's act together...look, I'll be photo perfect!"
SANDY
"For...we're taking photos for what, anything special coming up?"
BRIAN REACHES INTO HIS JACKET AND PRODUCES A VELVET BOX
STRUGGLING UP, OUT OF HIS CHAIR, HE PROCEEDS TO GO DOWN ON ONE BURNED KNEE
BRIAN
"Sandy Hudson, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, from the moment you first sent me your first hate emails, to the the time you took an arrow for me, to the time you blasted the shit out of that cute little baby Bear, Sandy, with the respect of your father somewhere in the clouds, Sandy, would you marry me?"
SANDY TEARING UP
"Well, it's about time, didn't even think you had the balls for this...of course, yes of course Brian, I will marry you my sweet peely face!"
OPENING THE BOX, HE PRODUCES A ONE CARET RING IN A PEAR SHAPED DESIGN LIKE A GRAPE
THEY KISS AND EMBRASSE
SANDY
"When you want to do this?"
BRIAN
"Could be a week, a month, a year, not like I have to ask your Dad for your hand!"
SANDY
"Yea, well both sets are up there in the clouds somewhere, probably partying their ass off, I'm sure they all approve?"
BRIAN
"Hey, let's get crazy and do Vegas...haven't been over there in years!"
SANDY
"Not a traditionalist, are you?"
BRIAN
"Hey, your the one who has been married once, like the wine, it's my first batch!"
SANDY
"Marriage is not a batch!"
BRIAN
"All right, our first complaint, out first disagreement, look, the only thing I was ever told was to say, "Yes Dear", a lot..."
SANDY
"You were taught well, it's true, don't ever argue with me ever again, I will expect you to take out the garbage every night and will demand extended foot rubs, too!"
(LONG PAUSE)
BRIAN
"Okay, that's doable!
4 HOURS LATER
HAVING ARRIVED BY WAY OF A LAST MINUTE PURCHASE OF TICKETS ON SOUTHWEST AIRLINES, A QUICK TRIP DOWN TO CITY HALL FOR A MARRIAGE LICENCE, SANDY AND BRIAN FIND THEMSELVES AT THE "LITTLE WEE CHAPEL OF THE KIRK (DANISH FOR CHURCH), IN DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS ON LAS VEGAS BOULEVARD.
PREACHER TONY IS READING THEM THEIR VOWS
PREACHER TONY
"And do you Sandy Hudson take the hand of Brian Cashman, for better, for worse, in good times and bad times, to honor, and obey for as long as you both shall live?"
SANDY
"The obey part was a bit of a push, but yes, I do!
PREACHER TONY
"By the laws vested to me by the laws of the State of Nevada, I both pronounce you man and wife...you may kiss the bride!"
LONG EMBRACE, BOTH GIGGLING
FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM WITHIN THE SMALL GROUP OF PAID STRANGERS, COMES A "LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!"
IT'S BRIAN'S OLD BOSS FROM THE PALMS CASINO, GEORGE MALOOF
BRIAN TURNING
"Wow, where in the hell did you come from, how did you know I was here?"
GEORGE
"My secretary, you remember Pauline, she's always trolling
for new marriage licenses, and she saw your name come by, and I had to verify the person...that's how we keep the hotel full, or did you forget?"
BRIAN
"No, you are the hustle man, wow, you look great, how's everything been going?"
GEORGE LOOKING AT BRIAN WITH HIS PEELING BURNED FACE
"Looks like California has been a little ruff on you, that restaurant must be working you overtime?"
BRIAN
"Oh this, had to put my kitchen out, almost put me out, but I'll be okay...by the way this is Sandy Hudson..."
SANDY
"It's Sandy Cashman now, let's try to step this up a little...
BRIAN
"This is Sandy, this is George Maloof, owner of the famed Palms Hotel and Casino, and if I might say, one of the best damn people I've ever worked for!"
GEORGE
"Don't worry Sandy, he was nothing but a fucking pain in the ass, the whole time, I was so happy when he finally left to California, we had a "It's great your leaving party", which we still celebrate every year that he stays out of Vegas...actually, you've got yourself one super guy here!"
SANDY
"Thank you Mister Maloof, I think I did okay, but it like took him forever to commit, what's his problem anyway...I thought he was gay for a second!"
GEORGE LAUGHING
"Well, if you count his relations with small farm animals as being gay, however...I do know that once he commits to something, he's good for the long haul...whether that applies to other people...who knows with Brian, but even though I'm not a betting man, I think you've got yourself a sure thing here!"
BRIAN
"And were you not the man that told me the secret to a long marriage?"
GEORGE
"Yea, just say "Yes Dear" and don't ever question her vision, it's a lock!"
BRIAN
"I told you Sandy, this guy is a genius...why a lot of guys just commit suicide in the first five years!"
GEORGE
"So, what can I do you two...got the limo outside, put you up in my Honeymooner's Suite, whatcha say?"
BRIAN
"No George, that's twenty-five thousand a night...I'm making good money, but not like that?"
GEORGE
"On the house, I insist, tell him Sandy, straighten him out?"
SANDY
"It's on the house Brian, he insist...do what your told, your married now...remember!"
BRIAN
"Yes Dear, boy do I need a drink!"
GEORGE
"That wasn't so hard huh, come on...let's board the green monster and get to the hotel.
BRIAN
"I remember that first green limo you bought, all the bosses down the strip were so pissed at you, flashing off like that, but shit, it worked!
GEORGE
"Yea, well don't forget, my brothers were in denial phase for about five years, especially after I gave up controlling interest in the Kings, they thought I had lost my mind!"
BRIAN
"But that's what made it work George..."
GEORGE
"How's that?"
BRIAN
"You had already lost your mind year's before you even came to Vegas."
GEORGE
"That's right, I was completely nuts to start with, boy does Brian know me or what!"
3 HOURS LATER
AFTER A WONDERFUL DINNER, AND A LITTLE DANCING, BRIAN AND SANDY FINALLY GET TO FLOOR EIGHTEEN WHERE THE HONEYMOONER'S SUITE AWAITS THEM
BRIAN, VERY DRUNK, ATTEMPTS TO PICK SANDY UP AND CARRY HER THROUGH THE THRESHOLD, BURNED ARMS AND ALL
AS HE GOES TO PICK HER UP, HE TILTS FOR A SECOND TRYING TO SLIDE CARD KEY AND THEY BOTH TUMBLE TO THE FLOOR
THEY LAY THERE FOR A SECOND, FINALLY SANDY WALKS INTO THE DOOR FRAME, GRABS BRIAN BY THE ANKLES AND PROCEEDS TO DRAG HIM IN, RIGHT AS A COUPLE PASSES IN THE HALLWAY
SANDY SMILES AT THEM, LOOKING UP
"I swear, I don't know what's gotten into men these days, they just don't want to committ...you have to literally drag them into the bedroom...but don't worry, I got me a keeper here..you'all have a good night!"
CLOSING DOOR
COUPLE IN HALLWAY COMMENTING TO EACH OTHER
MAN
"How come you couldn't have more aggressive like she was?"
LADY
"My dear, if I had to drag you by the ankles to get our family started, I would have...it's just something that never occurred to me...I grew up in a different time, different set of rules!"
MAN
"Guess standards change, the world will never be the same!"
LADY
"Personally, I think it goes in cycles...seems we've been here before in another time!"
MAN
"It probably did...just takes a little while to get the hang of it, but I'm game!"
(scene switch)
HAVING CLOSED THE DOOR, SANDY AND BRIAN JUST STARE AT THE LAYOUT
BIG CIRCULAR BED ON A MOTORIZED PEDESTAL, A TRAPEZE, SWING ABOVE THE BED, A LOVE SEAT HANGING IN THE CORNER ON SPRINGS, AND A STAIRCASE THAT LEADS UP TO THE TOP OF A HUGE EIGHT FOOT MARTINI GLASS THAT HAS SEATS INSIDE WITH JUST ENOUGH BUBBLING WATER TO SIT INSIDE WITHOUT DROWNING
SANDY
"Wow Brian...this is something else, where do we start?"
BRIAN
"Well, I figure we'll make a weekend of it, John's watching the Gator, so there's no rush, one thing at a time!"
SANDY
"Hell no, I want to do it all!"
BRIAN GRABBING SANDY UP IN HIS ARMS AND CARRYING HER BACK TO THE FRONT DOOR, OPENING IT, HE CARRIES HER BACK OUT INTO THE THE HALLWAY, THEN DOUBLES BACK THROUGH THE ENTRANCE OF THE THRESHOLD AGAIN
BRIAN
"That was for good luck, want to start this right..."
HE CONTINUES ON TO THE MOTORIZED BED THAT IS SLOWLY TURNING AND LAYS HER GENTLY DOWN IN THE MIDDLE
SANDY
"Aw, that is so sweet...oh Mister Cashman, I Love you so much, thank you, thank you for bringing me into your world, your life, your...your forever!"
BRIAN
"Well Mizz Cashman, thank you for letting me into your future, helping me see my dream, and being my best friend..."
SANDY
"With benefits!"
BRIAN
"Yes, with benefits...may we both grow young at heart, as we boldly grow old within each other's arms, together forever..."
SANDY
"That's so perfect, just like you...well without the peelings, the excessive stuff anyway."
BRIAN
"It will soon go away, the epidermis will provide new skin, time will tell, but first things first..."
THEY BOTH TURN THEIR HEADS, STARING AT THE OVER SIZED MARTINI GLASS
SANDY
"Race you to the glass?"
BRIAN
"No you don't..."
THEY BOTH JUMP UP, RUNNING UP THE STAIRWELL WHERE THEY BOTH DIVE INTO THE OVER SIZED VESSEL, CLOTHES AND ALL
BRIAN COMES UP
"Well, that was certainly refreshing!"
SANDY COMES TO THE SURFACE
"I brought my ear rubbers, too!"
BRIAN
"Oh, hell no...we're not going through that again...
BOTH LAUGHING IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS
scene close
SANDY
"It just looks weird, looks like you splattered your face with oatmeal..."
BRIAN
"Think of it like a sunburn...the body gets rid of the dead skin, to make way for the new...something like that...I just happen to be speeding up the process a bit!"
SANDY WALKS OVER AND CARESSES BRIAN'S PEELING FACE
SANDY
You know, I will always Love you my peely face, but it's hard seeing you like this!"
BRIAN
"Within a month it will be all good, my epidermis will get it's act together...look, I'll be photo perfect!"
SANDY
"For...we're taking photos for what, anything special coming up?"
BRIAN REACHES INTO HIS JACKET AND PRODUCES A VELVET BOX
STRUGGLING UP, OUT OF HIS CHAIR, HE PROCEEDS TO GO DOWN ON ONE BURNED KNEE
BRIAN
"Sandy Hudson, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, from the moment you first sent me your first hate emails, to the the time you took an arrow for me, to the time you blasted the shit out of that cute little baby Bear, Sandy, with the respect of your father somewhere in the clouds, Sandy, would you marry me?"
SANDY TEARING UP
"Well, it's about time, didn't even think you had the balls for this...of course, yes of course Brian, I will marry you my sweet peely face!"
OPENING THE BOX, HE PRODUCES A ONE CARET RING IN A PEAR SHAPED DESIGN LIKE A GRAPE
THEY KISS AND EMBRASSE
SANDY
"When you want to do this?"
BRIAN
"Could be a week, a month, a year, not like I have to ask your Dad for your hand!"
SANDY
"Yea, well both sets are up there in the clouds somewhere, probably partying their ass off, I'm sure they all approve?"
BRIAN
"Hey, let's get crazy and do Vegas...haven't been over there in years!"
SANDY
"Not a traditionalist, are you?"
BRIAN
"Hey, your the one who has been married once, like the wine, it's my first batch!"
SANDY
"Marriage is not a batch!"
BRIAN
"All right, our first complaint, out first disagreement, look, the only thing I was ever told was to say, "Yes Dear", a lot..."
SANDY
"You were taught well, it's true, don't ever argue with me ever again, I will expect you to take out the garbage every night and will demand extended foot rubs, too!"
(LONG PAUSE)
BRIAN
"Okay, that's doable!
4 HOURS LATER
HAVING ARRIVED BY WAY OF A LAST MINUTE PURCHASE OF TICKETS ON SOUTHWEST AIRLINES, A QUICK TRIP DOWN TO CITY HALL FOR A MARRIAGE LICENCE, SANDY AND BRIAN FIND THEMSELVES AT THE "LITTLE WEE CHAPEL OF THE KIRK (DANISH FOR CHURCH), IN DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS ON LAS VEGAS BOULEVARD.
PREACHER TONY IS READING THEM THEIR VOWS
PREACHER TONY
"And do you Sandy Hudson take the hand of Brian Cashman, for better, for worse, in good times and bad times, to honor, and obey for as long as you both shall live?"
SANDY
"The obey part was a bit of a push, but yes, I do!
PREACHER TONY
"By the laws vested to me by the laws of the State of Nevada, I both pronounce you man and wife...you may kiss the bride!"
LONG EMBRACE, BOTH GIGGLING
FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM WITHIN THE SMALL GROUP OF PAID STRANGERS, COMES A "LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!"
IT'S BRIAN'S OLD BOSS FROM THE PALMS CASINO, GEORGE MALOOF
BRIAN TURNING
"Wow, where in the hell did you come from, how did you know I was here?"
GEORGE
"My secretary, you remember Pauline, she's always trolling
for new marriage licenses, and she saw your name come by, and I had to verify the person...that's how we keep the hotel full, or did you forget?"
BRIAN
"No, you are the hustle man, wow, you look great, how's everything been going?"
GEORGE LOOKING AT BRIAN WITH HIS PEELING BURNED FACE
"Looks like California has been a little ruff on you, that restaurant must be working you overtime?"
BRIAN
"Oh this, had to put my kitchen out, almost put me out, but I'll be okay...by the way this is Sandy Hudson..."
SANDY
"It's Sandy Cashman now, let's try to step this up a little...
BRIAN
"This is Sandy, this is George Maloof, owner of the famed Palms Hotel and Casino, and if I might say, one of the best damn people I've ever worked for!"
GEORGE
"Don't worry Sandy, he was nothing but a fucking pain in the ass, the whole time, I was so happy when he finally left to California, we had a "It's great your leaving party", which we still celebrate every year that he stays out of Vegas...actually, you've got yourself one super guy here!"
SANDY
"Thank you Mister Maloof, I think I did okay, but it like took him forever to commit, what's his problem anyway...I thought he was gay for a second!"
GEORGE LAUGHING
"Well, if you count his relations with small farm animals as being gay, however...I do know that once he commits to something, he's good for the long haul...whether that applies to other people...who knows with Brian, but even though I'm not a betting man, I think you've got yourself a sure thing here!"
BRIAN
"And were you not the man that told me the secret to a long marriage?"
GEORGE
"Yea, just say "Yes Dear" and don't ever question her vision, it's a lock!"
BRIAN
"I told you Sandy, this guy is a genius...why a lot of guys just commit suicide in the first five years!"
GEORGE
"So, what can I do you two...got the limo outside, put you up in my Honeymooner's Suite, whatcha say?"
BRIAN
"No George, that's twenty-five thousand a night...I'm making good money, but not like that?"
GEORGE
"On the house, I insist, tell him Sandy, straighten him out?"
SANDY
"It's on the house Brian, he insist...do what your told, your married now...remember!"
BRIAN
"Yes Dear, boy do I need a drink!"
GEORGE
"That wasn't so hard huh, come on...let's board the green monster and get to the hotel.
BRIAN
"I remember that first green limo you bought, all the bosses down the strip were so pissed at you, flashing off like that, but shit, it worked!
GEORGE
"Yea, well don't forget, my brothers were in denial phase for about five years, especially after I gave up controlling interest in the Kings, they thought I had lost my mind!"
BRIAN
"But that's what made it work George..."
GEORGE
"How's that?"
BRIAN
"You had already lost your mind year's before you even came to Vegas."
GEORGE
"That's right, I was completely nuts to start with, boy does Brian know me or what!"
3 HOURS LATER
AFTER A WONDERFUL DINNER, AND A LITTLE DANCING, BRIAN AND SANDY FINALLY GET TO FLOOR EIGHTEEN WHERE THE HONEYMOONER'S SUITE AWAITS THEM
BRIAN, VERY DRUNK, ATTEMPTS TO PICK SANDY UP AND CARRY HER THROUGH THE THRESHOLD, BURNED ARMS AND ALL
AS HE GOES TO PICK HER UP, HE TILTS FOR A SECOND TRYING TO SLIDE CARD KEY AND THEY BOTH TUMBLE TO THE FLOOR
THEY LAY THERE FOR A SECOND, FINALLY SANDY WALKS INTO THE DOOR FRAME, GRABS BRIAN BY THE ANKLES AND PROCEEDS TO DRAG HIM IN, RIGHT AS A COUPLE PASSES IN THE HALLWAY
SANDY SMILES AT THEM, LOOKING UP
"I swear, I don't know what's gotten into men these days, they just don't want to committ...you have to literally drag them into the bedroom...but don't worry, I got me a keeper here..you'all have a good night!"
CLOSING DOOR
COUPLE IN HALLWAY COMMENTING TO EACH OTHER
MAN
"How come you couldn't have more aggressive like she was?"
LADY
"My dear, if I had to drag you by the ankles to get our family started, I would have...it's just something that never occurred to me...I grew up in a different time, different set of rules!"
MAN
"Guess standards change, the world will never be the same!"
LADY
"Personally, I think it goes in cycles...seems we've been here before in another time!"
MAN
"It probably did...just takes a little while to get the hang of it, but I'm game!"
(scene switch)
HAVING CLOSED THE DOOR, SANDY AND BRIAN JUST STARE AT THE LAYOUT
BIG CIRCULAR BED ON A MOTORIZED PEDESTAL, A TRAPEZE, SWING ABOVE THE BED, A LOVE SEAT HANGING IN THE CORNER ON SPRINGS, AND A STAIRCASE THAT LEADS UP TO THE TOP OF A HUGE EIGHT FOOT MARTINI GLASS THAT HAS SEATS INSIDE WITH JUST ENOUGH BUBBLING WATER TO SIT INSIDE WITHOUT DROWNING
SANDY
"Wow Brian...this is something else, where do we start?"
BRIAN
"Well, I figure we'll make a weekend of it, John's watching the Gator, so there's no rush, one thing at a time!"
SANDY
"Hell no, I want to do it all!"
BRIAN GRABBING SANDY UP IN HIS ARMS AND CARRYING HER BACK TO THE FRONT DOOR, OPENING IT, HE CARRIES HER BACK OUT INTO THE THE HALLWAY, THEN DOUBLES BACK THROUGH THE ENTRANCE OF THE THRESHOLD AGAIN
BRIAN
"That was for good luck, want to start this right..."
HE CONTINUES ON TO THE MOTORIZED BED THAT IS SLOWLY TURNING AND LAYS HER GENTLY DOWN IN THE MIDDLE
SANDY
"Aw, that is so sweet...oh Mister Cashman, I Love you so much, thank you, thank you for bringing me into your world, your life, your...your forever!"
BRIAN
"Well Mizz Cashman, thank you for letting me into your future, helping me see my dream, and being my best friend..."
SANDY
"With benefits!"
BRIAN
"Yes, with benefits...may we both grow young at heart, as we boldly grow old within each other's arms, together forever..."
SANDY
"That's so perfect, just like you...well without the peelings, the excessive stuff anyway."
BRIAN
"It will soon go away, the epidermis will provide new skin, time will tell, but first things first..."
THEY BOTH TURN THEIR HEADS, STARING AT THE OVER SIZED MARTINI GLASS
SANDY
"Race you to the glass?"
BRIAN
"No you don't..."
THEY BOTH JUMP UP, RUNNING UP THE STAIRWELL WHERE THEY BOTH DIVE INTO THE OVER SIZED VESSEL, CLOTHES AND ALL
BRIAN COMES UP
"Well, that was certainly refreshing!"
SANDY COMES TO THE SURFACE
"I brought my ear rubbers, too!"
BRIAN
"Oh, hell no...we're not going through that again...
BOTH LAUGHING IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS
scene close
Lol so funny and original!
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