Wine Mama (66)-Leap To Heaven

Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013

WINE MAMA (66)

LEAP TO HEAVEN

INT: BRIAN'S HOUSE-KITCHEN-7 A.M.

BRIAN AND SANDY MAKING BREAKFAST BURRITOES

CAPTAIN FRANKS TAKING A SHOWER

ARTHUR STANDING OUT IN FIELD, LOOKING UP AT DELTA PARACHUTE KITE THAT'S BEEN STUCK IN SYCAMORE TREE SINCE HE PLOWED IN TO IT SKY DIVING ILLEGALLY DURING HIS SNEAK INTO CALIFORNIA A MONTH AGO OUT OF CAPTAIN FRANKS DC-3

ARHTHUR TALKING TO HIMSELF

"Damn...that sucker has made a home, it's grown into the tree!"

BRIAN WALKS OUT BACK DOOR OF KITHCHEN

BRIAN

"Hey Arthur, you out here, where are you at man?"

ARTHUR OUT OF HEARING RANGE, HAS ALREADY STARTED HIS ASCENT UP THE TREE, CARRYING ONLY A PAIR OF PRUNING SNIPS HE FOUND BY THE BARN

BRIAN STARTS WALKING DOWN PATH, SEEING ARTHUR HALF-WAY UP TREE

SEEING SEVERAL EMPTY MOOSEHEAD BOTTLES AROUND IT'S BASE

BRIAN LOOKS STRAIGHT UP

BRIAN

"Hey Arthur, get your drunk ass out of that tree!"

ARTHUR LOOKING DOWN

ARTHUR

"Well, it's a little late now, I'm already half way up the tree...got my little monket spirit clicking away up here...anyway, it is the Captain's Delta...did he tell you that thing set him back twelve-thousand dollars...twelve-thousand for that fucker...he wants it back...so I figure, I'm the last one to use it...I stuck it, crashed it, whatever...so no since trying to stop me now...it's my problem now, so no since trying to stop me!"

BRIAN

"Well, that is the problem, I can't stop you now...you have to consider your own freedom and stop yourself while you can...if you loosen that thing up without a game plan, rope or something...it'sgoing to suck you out of that tree if the wind get's a grip on it...it's got too much weight, surface area to big, I tell ya Arthur, just leave it along till we can figure something out?"

ARTHUR

"Let me worry about that when I get up there, I don't even know what's going on till I get up there?"

(scene switch )

BRIAN'S KITHCHEN

"CAPTAIN FRANKS'S AND SANDY SAMPLING BURRITOS

SANDY

"Wonder where Brian went...boy these things are good!"

CAPTAIN FRANKS

"You guys sure know how to cook, that's for sure...guess he went out the back somewhere, let's go take a look..."

WALKING OUT BACK DOOR, SANDY AND CAPTAIN FRANKS START WALKING DOWN  PATH TO THE VINEYARD

CAPTAIN FRANKS

"Boy, I could live and die here, this place is just perfect, so peaceful..."

SANDY

"Yea, it's just the perfect size, my late husband had good taste, it's ashame he never really had a chance to experience what it could have been...so how's you and Arthur been doing?"

CAPTAIN FRANKS

"Well, you know what I do...bringing in the leaf...well the processed cocoa in from Bolivia...it can be dangerous if they think your acting alone, and I hate dragging my girl down there...I think she wants to start a family, well eventually...you know what I mean?"

SANDY

"Who would have thought...didn't you two just hook up at the airport, how did you two meet?

FRANKS

"You mean Becky or Arthur?"

SANDY

"Aw shit, look at this..."

FRANKS AND SANDY BOTH LOOKING UP AT ARTHUR CLIMBING HIS WAY UP SYCAMORE TREE, WHILE BRIAN IS JUST LOOKING UP

SANDY

"Brian, what the hell is going down?"

BRIAN

"You mean, who the hell is going up...looks like Arthur had a little guilt trip and decided to go take care of the Captain's toy...but from what I can tell, his breakfast included a couple of Canadian Ale's, so he's flying on a buzz right now."

FRANKS YELLS UP

"Hey, Arthur...what's wrong with you, you couldn't wait till the rest of the search party showed up...look, I'm ordering you to leave my kite alone, it's safe where it's at...leave my property alone, you hear me?"

ARTHUR YELLING DOWN

"No doing Captain, just on a mission to retreive property...nothing for you to worry about, this won't take long, just give me a second..."

BRIAN

"Hey, leave it alone Arthur...I'm going to use it for a bird nest, I'm giving the Captain a check as we speak!"

FRANKS

"Brian...really, your buying the kite from me?"

SANDY

"Just play along okay, we're trying to safe his ass!"

BRIAN

"Let's see what happens, I'm not even worried about the kite...question is, how do you get a drunk Arthur out of a tree?"

BRIAN

"Bananas...a stick, what?"

SANDY

"That's it...banana daiquris...okay, just a thought, been meaning to make myself one."

FRANKS

"Sounds like more of a health drink..."

SANDY

"Oh, a couple of them can get you really tossed, trust me...I don't think it's something you want to jog on or anything."

SUDDENLY YOU HEAR ARTHUR PRUNING AND SNAPPING THE BRANCHES BACK AROUND THE KITE

BRANCHES START FALLING TO THE GROUND

ARTHUR

"Hey, you guys watch out, I got shit flying down..."

FRANKS YELLING UP

"For the last time Arthur, climb down from there....I'm ordering you to leave my kite alone.

(15 MINUTES LATER)

FRANKS FINALLY GETS THE KITE FREE AND STARTS TO MOVE IT FROM THE BRANCHES, AS THE REST OF THE GROUP WATCHES HELPLESSLY

ARTHUR DROPS THE CLIPPERS TO THE GROUND, AS HE SUDDENLY REALIZES THE WIND LOAD ON THE KITE IS STRONGER THAN FIRST THOUGHT

THE UPPER BREEZE STARTS TO PULL THE KITE AWAY FROM THE TREE ALONG WITH ARTHUR WHO'S STILL HOLDING ON TO THE KITE FRAME

WITHOUT ANY BRANCHES TO GRASP HOLD TO, THE KITE PULLS HIM AWAY FROM THE TREE, NOW FREE FALLING TOWARD THE GROUND

AS AIR FILLS INTO THE WINGS, IT SPINS AND SLOWS UP IT'S FALL ONLY TO FALL FORWARD, WITH ARTHUR JUST HANGING ON, NOT ABLE TO MAKE ANY CORRECTIONS, THE KITE SLAMS INTO THE GROUND BELOW

ARTHUR KNOCKED DIZZY WITH A BROKEN ARM, BUT STILL BREATHING

ARTHUR

"Oh well, here's your kite...everything good now?"

FRANKS

"Let's get you to the clinic you idiot...yea, everything's good now!"

BRIAN

"So, no sale?"

FRANKS

"Would have been a nice payday, cause actually I only paid nine-thousand for it...but it was the offer that counts anyway."

BRIAN

"Well, if you see anything damaged, I'll make it up to you...you know that!"

FRANKS

"Just do me a favor...please?"

BRIAN

"Sure, what's up?"

FRANKS

"Don't ever ask me to ever drop any of your freinds, realitives, or goony-assed acquaintances off for an overnight, okay?"

BRIAN

"Deal...go stick him back in Belize where he belongs...I think it's safer for everybody...even the authorities would thank you...might even give you a medal or something!" 

PULLING ARTHUR UP, FITTING HIS OBVIOUS BROKEN ARM WITH A STRAIGHT BRANCH, THEY ESCORT HIM TO THE RANGE ROVER

ALL FOUR GET IN

SANDY

"Hey, when we get back, banana daiquris for everybody..."

FRANKS

"You are one lucky bastard Brian...that's a great girl you got there..."

BRIAN

"Yea, she's a keeper...that's for sure."

ARTHUR

"Hey guy's, how did my descent look?"

EVERYBODY AT ONCE

"Shut up Arthur!"

FRANKS

"Ever seen a rock falling from a tree...something like that!"

SANDY

"Kind of look like a duck that somebody shot falling out of the sky!"

BRIAN

"Nope, it wasn't the man of steel or anyone...just Arthur coming in for a Banana Daiquiri!"

EVERYBODY LAUGHING

scene close