Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013
WINE MAMA (75)
MAMA MAKE BABIES
INT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-BRIAN'S OFFICE-10 A.M.
SANDY ON PHONE WITH BIOLOGIST BOB LEE
SANDY
"I know it's been a while, thanks for coming to the funeral by the way, I wanted to talk with you, but I just wasn't in the mood to talk with anybody...you know what I mean?"
BOB LEE (OLD FREIND OF FRANK, SANDY'S DECEASED HUSBAND)
"Of course Sandy, I understand...oh Frank was quite the man coming up, had these big dreams of designing master buildings and..."
SANDY
"I know, trust me I know, ended up setting up sewer systems...guess it was his calling, who knows?"
BOB
"So girl, what can I do you for...saw your picture with your hubby there, looks like you picked you a good one there...his name Brian right?"
SANDY
"Yea, he saved the vineyard and my sanity, just Love him to death, how's Jeanna, you are still married huh?"
BOB
"Everything is fine, had a little boy, looks just like my Dad, weird, so what can I do you for?"
SANDY
"Well you know, we import Gator tails out of New Orleans for the business, the Gatortail...well one of our trappers was killed and eaten by another Gator, so we got this other supplier to get us some Gators, but he misunderstood or something, I haven't heard what the thing was exactly, but they were sending, instead of the Gator tail meat, they were sending whole Gators, anyway one of the Gators got shot, but didn't die!"
BOB
"Wait what, you have one that survived the transfer to Modesto?"
SANDY
"Well yea, I don't know if it was stunned, a flesh wound through Gator skin, anyway, it was in the bag and survived...so I need to ask you..."
BOB
"Okay, so you are buying Gator meat, now you've ended up with a live Alligator here in California?"
SANDY
"Well, yea but we didn't do it intentionally, we just found it in the shipment, all the other nine were dead, we hacked them up and are using them."
BOB
"Why didn't you just kill the tenth one then, it was part of your restaurant supply right?"
SANDY
"Well..."
BOB
"What Sandy, I'm missing something here?"
SANDY
"It was a big Gator, a big Mama Gator, it's pregnant..."
BOB
"Okay, now you've accidently imported a live pregnant female Gator into the state of California where it is clearly considered a felony, why are you bothering me?"
SANDY
"Bob, it's babies, have a heart here man!"
BOB
"Alright, calm down so we can figure out what to do...you do have a place for this thing to stay, I mean...where is it at right now?"
SANDY
"We have it at the vineyard in the barn."
BOB
"In what?
SANDY
We had to transfer it over there with a slab of bacon, we'll that's how we got it in the van, then we took it over and dropped it off, that's why I'm calling you...hold on Brian's coming!"
BRIAN
"Well, just got off the phone with Billy Bob and he had those Gators shipped on consignment from three trappers, the live one was from a Gator circus thing, like a Gator fantasy land, come see the Gators thing...apparently it was shipped without mangement approval, so they would really like to get they're Gator back, or so I was told?"
SANDY LOOKING BLANK
"They want the Gator back, fuck...how much other shit can we get into here, it's like everytime we turn around, oh God...
BOB
"Sandy, are you still there, hello, hello?
SANDY
"Well, I figured out what was going on, somebody was trying to make some quick money by shipping a Gator against the open request from a scrupelous middleman, whatever ever he is, guess all that is just a percentage, who knows...we lost our trapper, and Brian was doing what he could...poor thing, I..."
BOB
"Okay Sandy, I think we've established what has occured, was just a little worried that you may have intentionally gotten yourself into trouble, don't worrry, we'll figure something out."
SANDY
"Thank you so much Bob, I just knew, I knew that if anyone could help, it would be you, so where do...where can you take us?"
BOB
"I'll do what I can Sandy, what can I do?"
SANDY
"Well, she's pregnant, the enviroment, what do we do?"
BOB
"Being of the reptillian member and pregnant, let's have a little water like a pool, maybe a little island in the corner, then some shelter...some stuff off the vineyard should do!"
SANDY
"Is color a problem, I was thinking something pink..."
(LONG PAUSE)
BOB
"Whatever you Sandy, Gators are pretty much color blind, but they do experience visual contrast!"
SANDY
"Brian, let's get a pool, some water, an island..."
BRIAN
"What, like an old tire, what?
SANDY
"Bob, is an old tire good?"
BOB
"That's perfact, maybe an old truck tire with a lot of foilage put on top, pile it up high!"
SANDY
"Thanks so much Bob, I knew you could help us out, thanks again!"
BOB
"Well wait, would you like me to come out and see the set-up?"
SANDY
"Not only that, but...how about dinner with you and the misses at the Gatortail...wine included?"
BOB
"Well, thank you Sandy, go on head and set everything up, and we can be out there tommorrow if that's okay...don't want to keep the babies waiting!"
SANDY
"That's so sweet, give me a call, got some shopping to do, so give me a call, bye..."
LOOKING AT BRIAN
BRIAN
"I take it we're going shopping?"
SANDY
"Yes, and find a cobbler please?"
BRIAN
"A cobbler, what kind of cobbler...one that cobbles?"
SANDY
"No, one that can turn all those leathery Gator parts that poor John widdled away from your precious Gator meat, I could kill on custom handbags!"
(3 HOURS LATER)
THEY GO BUY A TWENTY-FOUR FOOT POOL IN A BOX AND SOME HIGH-PROTEIN TURTILE AND REPTILE FEED AT COSTCO, SHOWING UP AT THE VINEYARD THEY PARK BY THE BARN.
OPENING UP THE BARN DOOR, THE TEN FOOT MAMA GATOR IS MISSING
LOOKING ALL OVER THE PLACE, CALLING "MAMA", THEY COME UP EMPTY
SUDDENLY BRIAN SEE'S A GASH HOLE IN A WATER DAMAGED HOLE IN THE WALL
BRIAN
"Well, if you have teeth and you prego, might as well make for escape."
SANDY
"How the hell did..."
BRIAN
"Fuck Sandy, big ass sucker just knawed through the wall, didn't know we we're coming back...it's an Alligator, it does what it wants, she's gone...she went to bore the family!"
SANDY
"Can we find her?"
BRIAN
"Let's check..."
GOING OUT IN BACK OF THE BARN WHERE THE HOLE ORIGINATED, THEY QUICKLY SEE THE HEAVY TRACKS
FOLLOWING THEM DOWN, THEY END UP BY THE SAME PART OF THE CREEK THAT THE RABID RACCOON DIED AT
LOOKING A LITTLE FURTHER, THEY SEE MOVEMENT UNDER AN OVER HANGING BUSH, THEY STOP, BRIAN NOW TAKING LIVE VIDEO WITH HIS I-PHONE
BRIAN
"I'm not a specialist on this shit, but knowing a Mama, I don't think this ios a good time to bother her, she's getting ready to..."
SANDY
"Have her baby's...that is so cool!
BRIAN
"I think she'll be okay for now, she's settled in, let nature takes it's course...shit, this might be the first live Gator birth California has ever experienced."
SANDY
"What's weird is that we can't even tell anybody, this is not a time to call the papers or anything?"
BRIAN
"I was just thinking about how do we deal with a live alligator running around on our property?"
SANDY
"Hope they like Turtle Chow, cause we got a ton of it?"
BRIAN
"Thing is, we need to stay focused, cause I don't want this thing running off with these Gator prints all over our property...we've got to get her back in the barn, I have a felling we're not out of the woods yet!"
SANDY
"If not Turtle Chow, she definatly has weakness for slab bacon."
BRIAN
"Just hope she doesn't eat the Bears...they're all over the place this time of year!
SANDY
"Why would the Bear's be worried?"
BRIAN
"They don't even come on the property anymore, they're scared to death of you...afraid you might shoot their babies, remember.
SANDY
"Your probably right, but I did notice something else?"
BRIAN
"What's that?"
SANDY
"They don't even go near our garbage bins anymore since that happened!"
BRIAN
"You've got a point there, but boy...what a price to pay, so what's next?"
SANDY
"We know where Mama's at, nothing more to do here except..."
BRIAN
"Mizz Cashman, my new wife, would you give me the honor of taking you across the threshold of the vineyard door and making Love to you right there on the kitchen counter?"
SANDY
"Why surly sir, and maybe the porch, around the breakfast area, and if you can hold it together, we might even make it to the master bedroom?"
BRIAN
"That would be almost unthinkable a week ago...that juicing has really got me pumped.
SANDY
"Your not peeling anymore either, so show me what you got mister?"
BRIAN
"One thing concerns me though?"
AS THEY BOTH WALK BACK TO THE HOUSE
SANDY
"What worried about Mama Gator?"
BRIAN
"No, wonder if Costco's going to take this pool back?"
scene close
SANDY ON PHONE WITH BIOLOGIST BOB LEE
SANDY
"I know it's been a while, thanks for coming to the funeral by the way, I wanted to talk with you, but I just wasn't in the mood to talk with anybody...you know what I mean?"
BOB LEE (OLD FREIND OF FRANK, SANDY'S DECEASED HUSBAND)
"Of course Sandy, I understand...oh Frank was quite the man coming up, had these big dreams of designing master buildings and..."
SANDY
"I know, trust me I know, ended up setting up sewer systems...guess it was his calling, who knows?"
BOB
"So girl, what can I do you for...saw your picture with your hubby there, looks like you picked you a good one there...his name Brian right?"
SANDY
"Yea, he saved the vineyard and my sanity, just Love him to death, how's Jeanna, you are still married huh?"
BOB
"Everything is fine, had a little boy, looks just like my Dad, weird, so what can I do you for?"
SANDY
"Well you know, we import Gator tails out of New Orleans for the business, the Gatortail...well one of our trappers was killed and eaten by another Gator, so we got this other supplier to get us some Gators, but he misunderstood or something, I haven't heard what the thing was exactly, but they were sending, instead of the Gator tail meat, they were sending whole Gators, anyway one of the Gators got shot, but didn't die!"
BOB
"Wait what, you have one that survived the transfer to Modesto?"
SANDY
"Well yea, I don't know if it was stunned, a flesh wound through Gator skin, anyway, it was in the bag and survived...so I need to ask you..."
BOB
"Okay, so you are buying Gator meat, now you've ended up with a live Alligator here in California?"
SANDY
"Well, yea but we didn't do it intentionally, we just found it in the shipment, all the other nine were dead, we hacked them up and are using them."
BOB
"Why didn't you just kill the tenth one then, it was part of your restaurant supply right?"
SANDY
"Well..."
BOB
"What Sandy, I'm missing something here?"
SANDY
"It was a big Gator, a big Mama Gator, it's pregnant..."
BOB
"Okay, now you've accidently imported a live pregnant female Gator into the state of California where it is clearly considered a felony, why are you bothering me?"
SANDY
"Bob, it's babies, have a heart here man!"
BOB
"Alright, calm down so we can figure out what to do...you do have a place for this thing to stay, I mean...where is it at right now?"
SANDY
"We have it at the vineyard in the barn."
BOB
"In what?
SANDY
We had to transfer it over there with a slab of bacon, we'll that's how we got it in the van, then we took it over and dropped it off, that's why I'm calling you...hold on Brian's coming!"
BRIAN
"Well, just got off the phone with Billy Bob and he had those Gators shipped on consignment from three trappers, the live one was from a Gator circus thing, like a Gator fantasy land, come see the Gators thing...apparently it was shipped without mangement approval, so they would really like to get they're Gator back, or so I was told?"
SANDY LOOKING BLANK
"They want the Gator back, fuck...how much other shit can we get into here, it's like everytime we turn around, oh God...
BOB
"Sandy, are you still there, hello, hello?
SANDY
"Well, I figured out what was going on, somebody was trying to make some quick money by shipping a Gator against the open request from a scrupelous middleman, whatever ever he is, guess all that is just a percentage, who knows...we lost our trapper, and Brian was doing what he could...poor thing, I..."
BOB
"Okay Sandy, I think we've established what has occured, was just a little worried that you may have intentionally gotten yourself into trouble, don't worrry, we'll figure something out."
SANDY
"Thank you so much Bob, I just knew, I knew that if anyone could help, it would be you, so where do...where can you take us?"
BOB
"I'll do what I can Sandy, what can I do?"
SANDY
"Well, she's pregnant, the enviroment, what do we do?"
BOB
"Being of the reptillian member and pregnant, let's have a little water like a pool, maybe a little island in the corner, then some shelter...some stuff off the vineyard should do!"
SANDY
"Is color a problem, I was thinking something pink..."
(LONG PAUSE)
BOB
"Whatever you Sandy, Gators are pretty much color blind, but they do experience visual contrast!"
SANDY
"Brian, let's get a pool, some water, an island..."
BRIAN
"What, like an old tire, what?
SANDY
"Bob, is an old tire good?"
BOB
"That's perfact, maybe an old truck tire with a lot of foilage put on top, pile it up high!"
SANDY
"Thanks so much Bob, I knew you could help us out, thanks again!"
BOB
"Well wait, would you like me to come out and see the set-up?"
SANDY
"Not only that, but...how about dinner with you and the misses at the Gatortail...wine included?"
BOB
"Well, thank you Sandy, go on head and set everything up, and we can be out there tommorrow if that's okay...don't want to keep the babies waiting!"
SANDY
"That's so sweet, give me a call, got some shopping to do, so give me a call, bye..."
LOOKING AT BRIAN
BRIAN
"I take it we're going shopping?"
SANDY
"Yes, and find a cobbler please?"
BRIAN
"A cobbler, what kind of cobbler...one that cobbles?"
SANDY
"No, one that can turn all those leathery Gator parts that poor John widdled away from your precious Gator meat, I could kill on custom handbags!"
(3 HOURS LATER)
THEY GO BUY A TWENTY-FOUR FOOT POOL IN A BOX AND SOME HIGH-PROTEIN TURTILE AND REPTILE FEED AT COSTCO, SHOWING UP AT THE VINEYARD THEY PARK BY THE BARN.
OPENING UP THE BARN DOOR, THE TEN FOOT MAMA GATOR IS MISSING
LOOKING ALL OVER THE PLACE, CALLING "MAMA", THEY COME UP EMPTY
SUDDENLY BRIAN SEE'S A GASH HOLE IN A WATER DAMAGED HOLE IN THE WALL
BRIAN
"Well, if you have teeth and you prego, might as well make for escape."
SANDY
"How the hell did..."
BRIAN
"Fuck Sandy, big ass sucker just knawed through the wall, didn't know we we're coming back...it's an Alligator, it does what it wants, she's gone...she went to bore the family!"
SANDY
"Can we find her?"
BRIAN
"Let's check..."
GOING OUT IN BACK OF THE BARN WHERE THE HOLE ORIGINATED, THEY QUICKLY SEE THE HEAVY TRACKS
FOLLOWING THEM DOWN, THEY END UP BY THE SAME PART OF THE CREEK THAT THE RABID RACCOON DIED AT
LOOKING A LITTLE FURTHER, THEY SEE MOVEMENT UNDER AN OVER HANGING BUSH, THEY STOP, BRIAN NOW TAKING LIVE VIDEO WITH HIS I-PHONE
BRIAN
"I'm not a specialist on this shit, but knowing a Mama, I don't think this ios a good time to bother her, she's getting ready to..."
SANDY
"Have her baby's...that is so cool!
BRIAN
"I think she'll be okay for now, she's settled in, let nature takes it's course...shit, this might be the first live Gator birth California has ever experienced."
SANDY
"What's weird is that we can't even tell anybody, this is not a time to call the papers or anything?"
BRIAN
"I was just thinking about how do we deal with a live alligator running around on our property?"
SANDY
"Hope they like Turtle Chow, cause we got a ton of it?"
BRIAN
"Thing is, we need to stay focused, cause I don't want this thing running off with these Gator prints all over our property...we've got to get her back in the barn, I have a felling we're not out of the woods yet!"
SANDY
"If not Turtle Chow, she definatly has weakness for slab bacon."
BRIAN
"Just hope she doesn't eat the Bears...they're all over the place this time of year!
SANDY
"Why would the Bear's be worried?"
BRIAN
"They don't even come on the property anymore, they're scared to death of you...afraid you might shoot their babies, remember.
SANDY
"Your probably right, but I did notice something else?"
BRIAN
"What's that?"
SANDY
"They don't even go near our garbage bins anymore since that happened!"
BRIAN
"You've got a point there, but boy...what a price to pay, so what's next?"
SANDY
"We know where Mama's at, nothing more to do here except..."
BRIAN
"Mizz Cashman, my new wife, would you give me the honor of taking you across the threshold of the vineyard door and making Love to you right there on the kitchen counter?"
SANDY
"Why surly sir, and maybe the porch, around the breakfast area, and if you can hold it together, we might even make it to the master bedroom?"
BRIAN
"That would be almost unthinkable a week ago...that juicing has really got me pumped.
SANDY
"Your not peeling anymore either, so show me what you got mister?"
BRIAN
"One thing concerns me though?"
AS THEY BOTH WALK BACK TO THE HOUSE
SANDY
"What worried about Mama Gator?"
BRIAN
"No, wonder if Costco's going to take this pool back?"
scene close
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