Kirk Carter@ WGA Copyright 2013
WINE MAMA (74)
TRAVELING GATORS
EXT: GATORTAIL RESTAURANT-LOADING DOCK-WEDNESDAY-7 A.M.
JOHN IS OUT ON THE DOCK GUIDING THE FED-EX TRUCK INTO THE SLOT
DANNY HIS LONG TIME DELIVERY DRIVER PULLS OUT I-PAD TO VERIFY ORDER
JOHN
"Not sure what this order is going to look like, but let's see?"
DANNY
"I've been doing this for a long time, but I swear...something was moving back there?"
JOHN
"Hope not, that wouldn't be good?"
LOOKING AT THE BIG SEALED PACKAGES, JOHN IMMEDIATELY REALISES THAT SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH THE SHIPMENT
DANNY
"What's wrong John, look like you saw a monster or something?"
JOHN
"These Gators haven't been processed, they're still whole...we just ordered Gator tails, not the whole Gator!"
LOOKING AT THE DOCKET, HE SEES THAT IT'S LISTED AT TWELVE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO POUNDS, AT A COST OF THREE THOUSAND AND TWO-HUNDRED DOLLARS
DANNY
"Thought this order seemed a little big...but I figured business was picking up, so I just got a couple of guys to help me load it up, got the dry ice in there, so I guess it's all good?"
JOHN
"Oh no, this is a mess...Brian is never going to go for this...why did this guy ship all this?"
DANNY
"Well, I can't ship something like this back, it's not going to happen...why don't you call Brian up and see what he wants to do?"
JOHN
"I can hardly wait for this..."
PULLING OUT HIS I-PHONE HE CALLS BRIAN
BRIAN ANSWERING
"Yea John, what's up?"
JOHN
"Well we got the Gators in?"
BRIAN
"That's great, just in time...why, is there a problem?"
JOHN
"Oh yea, they are whole, like whole Gators, they haven't been cleaned, still got the leather on them and everything!"
BRIAN
"Oh, come on, you've got to be kidding me, didn't they know what I was requesting, this is crazy, what's the damage on all this...you know, the shipping?"
JOHN
"Oh, about three thousand, two hundred dollars, it's about twelve hundred and fifty pounds of Gator...I mean I guess we could hack them up and make some shoes and bags out of them, but I've never actually cleaned one of these boys from scratch!"
BRIAN
"So, I guess Danny is not going to take them back, huh?"
JOHN
"No, they are officially out of the truck and he has left...it's all on your American Express, that card where you don't leave home without it!"
BRIAN
"What does that come to?'
JOHN
"It's not bad really, you've got ten Gators, all of them look about eight feet, except for one...wait, there was one over here about ten feet, but hold on, I think it fell off the dock, hold on!"
BRIAN
"How did it fall off the deck?"
JOHN STARING OUT INTO THE BACK ENTRANCE, MOUTH OPEN, SPEECHLESS
JOHN
"Boss, you need to get over here right away...no serious, right now!"
BRIAN
"What's up?"
JOHN
"It's alive, the fucker is living and breathing, maybe you should bring a gun or something!"
BRIAN
"I can't believe this, let me get dressed, Sandy and me will be right over, bye!"
(1 HOUR LATER)
JOHN HAS THE GATOR CORNERED INTO THE LOADING SLOT WITH A BROOM
THE GATOR IS SNAPPING AND HISSING
BRIAN AND SANDY PULL UP IN VAN WITH GUNS DRAWN
SANDY
"Wait, I think that's a female, look at the belly on that thing...I think it's pregnant!"
BRIAN
"That's just great, how did they even ship this thing?"
JOHN
"Well, it was on dry ice, and it probably wasn't even dead, just kind of in a frozen state, like comatosed, then I guess everything warmed up a little, I don't know..."
SANDY
"I think I know what to do, John go get a slab of bacon out of the fridge, we might be able to coax it into the van!
BRIAN
"Fuck that shit, what are we suppose to do with it after that, name it and start a family?"
GATOR STARTS SNAPPING AND HISSING AGAIN
EVERYBODY PULLS BACK
SANDY
"For the time being, we'll take her over to the vineyard, before the police see it or something...you could get in trouble for having this thing, come on..."
AFTER TYING THE BACON ONTO A STRING, THEY HOLD OUT THE END OF THE BROOM, THE GATOR INSTINCTIVELY STARTS TO FOLLOW THE HANGING BACON AS SANDY WALKS IT OVER TOWARD THE VAN
BRIAN
"John help me with this piece of plywood, we'll make a little ramp, hope we can just walk it up."
JOHN
"Then what?
BRIAN
"From what I can remember, back in New Orleans, we would just cover it's eyes up, unless your feeling lucky and would like trying to wrestle the thing?"
JOHN
"No, that's okay, let's just cover the eyes..."
SANDY WALKING UP RAMP, GATOR FOLLOWING
GATOR FINALLY IN, SHE THROWS A POTATO SACK ON IT'S HEAD
GATOR BECOMES STILL
BRIAN
"Not that it's of any real concern, but where in the world were you planning on storying this thing?"
SANDY
"Till we can get a pool or something, I figure we could pull the van into the barn and let her out in there...it could work, maybe wash her down with a little water, let her eat her bacon slab, what harm could that be for the time being?"
BRIAN
"I'm glad you know what your doing my little Gator specialist, hey John, go on head and just chop the tail's off these other one's with the band saw, assuming they're dead, and I'm going to help Sandy with the new family pet, we'll be right back."
JOHN
"Okay boss, don't forget to call that guy Billy up and find out what the hell happened with the shipment?"
BRIAN
"Yea, you got that right!"
(30 minutes later)
PULLING INTO THE BARN AT THE HUDSON VINEYARD, SANDY IS TRYING HER BEST TO KEEP THE GATOR'S EYES COVERED UP
BRIAN STARING AT THE TAIL, AS HE OPENS THE REAR DOOR
BRIAN
"What's are we suppose to do now?"
SANDY
"Take it out the side door I guess, here put the plywood over here..."
AFTER PLACING THE RAMP AGAINST THE SIDE DOOR, SANDY COAXES IT OUT OF THE VAN WITH THE STRING OF BACAON SLAB
BRIAN
"Are we going to tie it up or what?"
SANDY
"No, till I can call Bob Lee up and get him over here, just let the thing waddle around."
BRIAN
"Who's Bob Lee?"
SANDY
"He was a freind of Frank's, he's like a Biologist for U.C. Berkely, he'll know what to do...at least without getting us in trouble!"
BRIAN
"Aren't we gonna just kill it, that is part of my food supply there, I figure she cost me five-hundred dollars as she is?"
SANDY
"It's got babies, maybe we could start a secret Gator farm down by the stream?"
BRIAN
"Anything else you need?"
SANDY
"Well, I could use some shoes and a couple of new hand bags!"
BRIAN
"Yea, I think we can handle that!"
GATOR SWALLOWING THE BACON SLAB AS SANDY DROPS IT ON FLOOR
SANDY
"And some Gator chow...this thing is hungry!"
BRIAN
"Gator chow, right...If it's not enough messing around with the wild Bears, now we've got a Gator in a maternity ward...we should just start charging admission and open up a wild life park?"
SANDY
"Don't count anything out at this stage?"
BRIAN
"Trust me, I'm not...what kind of pool do you get for a pregnant alligator anyway?"
SANDY
"I dunno, maybe a pretty pink one?"
BRIAN
"Oh God!"
scene close
JOHN IS OUT ON THE DOCK GUIDING THE FED-EX TRUCK INTO THE SLOT
DANNY HIS LONG TIME DELIVERY DRIVER PULLS OUT I-PAD TO VERIFY ORDER
JOHN
"Not sure what this order is going to look like, but let's see?"
DANNY
"I've been doing this for a long time, but I swear...something was moving back there?"
JOHN
"Hope not, that wouldn't be good?"
LOOKING AT THE BIG SEALED PACKAGES, JOHN IMMEDIATELY REALISES THAT SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH THE SHIPMENT
DANNY
"What's wrong John, look like you saw a monster or something?"
JOHN
"These Gators haven't been processed, they're still whole...we just ordered Gator tails, not the whole Gator!"
LOOKING AT THE DOCKET, HE SEES THAT IT'S LISTED AT TWELVE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO POUNDS, AT A COST OF THREE THOUSAND AND TWO-HUNDRED DOLLARS
DANNY
"Thought this order seemed a little big...but I figured business was picking up, so I just got a couple of guys to help me load it up, got the dry ice in there, so I guess it's all good?"
JOHN
"Oh no, this is a mess...Brian is never going to go for this...why did this guy ship all this?"
DANNY
"Well, I can't ship something like this back, it's not going to happen...why don't you call Brian up and see what he wants to do?"
JOHN
"I can hardly wait for this..."
PULLING OUT HIS I-PHONE HE CALLS BRIAN
BRIAN ANSWERING
"Yea John, what's up?"
JOHN
"Well we got the Gators in?"
BRIAN
"That's great, just in time...why, is there a problem?"
JOHN
"Oh yea, they are whole, like whole Gators, they haven't been cleaned, still got the leather on them and everything!"
BRIAN
"Oh, come on, you've got to be kidding me, didn't they know what I was requesting, this is crazy, what's the damage on all this...you know, the shipping?"
JOHN
"Oh, about three thousand, two hundred dollars, it's about twelve hundred and fifty pounds of Gator...I mean I guess we could hack them up and make some shoes and bags out of them, but I've never actually cleaned one of these boys from scratch!"
BRIAN
"So, I guess Danny is not going to take them back, huh?"
JOHN
"No, they are officially out of the truck and he has left...it's all on your American Express, that card where you don't leave home without it!"
BRIAN
"What does that come to?'
JOHN
"It's not bad really, you've got ten Gators, all of them look about eight feet, except for one...wait, there was one over here about ten feet, but hold on, I think it fell off the dock, hold on!"
BRIAN
"How did it fall off the deck?"
JOHN STARING OUT INTO THE BACK ENTRANCE, MOUTH OPEN, SPEECHLESS
JOHN
"Boss, you need to get over here right away...no serious, right now!"
BRIAN
"What's up?"
JOHN
"It's alive, the fucker is living and breathing, maybe you should bring a gun or something!"
BRIAN
"I can't believe this, let me get dressed, Sandy and me will be right over, bye!"
(1 HOUR LATER)
JOHN HAS THE GATOR CORNERED INTO THE LOADING SLOT WITH A BROOM
THE GATOR IS SNAPPING AND HISSING
BRIAN AND SANDY PULL UP IN VAN WITH GUNS DRAWN
SANDY
"Wait, I think that's a female, look at the belly on that thing...I think it's pregnant!"
BRIAN
"That's just great, how did they even ship this thing?"
JOHN
"Well, it was on dry ice, and it probably wasn't even dead, just kind of in a frozen state, like comatosed, then I guess everything warmed up a little, I don't know..."
SANDY
"I think I know what to do, John go get a slab of bacon out of the fridge, we might be able to coax it into the van!
BRIAN
"Fuck that shit, what are we suppose to do with it after that, name it and start a family?"
GATOR STARTS SNAPPING AND HISSING AGAIN
EVERYBODY PULLS BACK
SANDY
"For the time being, we'll take her over to the vineyard, before the police see it or something...you could get in trouble for having this thing, come on..."
AFTER TYING THE BACON ONTO A STRING, THEY HOLD OUT THE END OF THE BROOM, THE GATOR INSTINCTIVELY STARTS TO FOLLOW THE HANGING BACON AS SANDY WALKS IT OVER TOWARD THE VAN
BRIAN
"John help me with this piece of plywood, we'll make a little ramp, hope we can just walk it up."
JOHN
"Then what?
BRIAN
"From what I can remember, back in New Orleans, we would just cover it's eyes up, unless your feeling lucky and would like trying to wrestle the thing?"
JOHN
"No, that's okay, let's just cover the eyes..."
SANDY WALKING UP RAMP, GATOR FOLLOWING
GATOR FINALLY IN, SHE THROWS A POTATO SACK ON IT'S HEAD
GATOR BECOMES STILL
BRIAN
"Not that it's of any real concern, but where in the world were you planning on storying this thing?"
SANDY
"Till we can get a pool or something, I figure we could pull the van into the barn and let her out in there...it could work, maybe wash her down with a little water, let her eat her bacon slab, what harm could that be for the time being?"
BRIAN
"I'm glad you know what your doing my little Gator specialist, hey John, go on head and just chop the tail's off these other one's with the band saw, assuming they're dead, and I'm going to help Sandy with the new family pet, we'll be right back."
JOHN
"Okay boss, don't forget to call that guy Billy up and find out what the hell happened with the shipment?"
BRIAN
"Yea, you got that right!"
(30 minutes later)
PULLING INTO THE BARN AT THE HUDSON VINEYARD, SANDY IS TRYING HER BEST TO KEEP THE GATOR'S EYES COVERED UP
BRIAN STARING AT THE TAIL, AS HE OPENS THE REAR DOOR
BRIAN
"What's are we suppose to do now?"
SANDY
"Take it out the side door I guess, here put the plywood over here..."
AFTER PLACING THE RAMP AGAINST THE SIDE DOOR, SANDY COAXES IT OUT OF THE VAN WITH THE STRING OF BACAON SLAB
BRIAN
"Are we going to tie it up or what?"
SANDY
"No, till I can call Bob Lee up and get him over here, just let the thing waddle around."
BRIAN
"Who's Bob Lee?"
SANDY
"He was a freind of Frank's, he's like a Biologist for U.C. Berkely, he'll know what to do...at least without getting us in trouble!"
BRIAN
"Aren't we gonna just kill it, that is part of my food supply there, I figure she cost me five-hundred dollars as she is?"
SANDY
"It's got babies, maybe we could start a secret Gator farm down by the stream?"
BRIAN
"Anything else you need?"
SANDY
"Well, I could use some shoes and a couple of new hand bags!"
BRIAN
"Yea, I think we can handle that!"
GATOR SWALLOWING THE BACON SLAB AS SANDY DROPS IT ON FLOOR
SANDY
"And some Gator chow...this thing is hungry!"
BRIAN
"Gator chow, right...If it's not enough messing around with the wild Bears, now we've got a Gator in a maternity ward...we should just start charging admission and open up a wild life park?"
SANDY
"Don't count anything out at this stage?"
BRIAN
"Trust me, I'm not...what kind of pool do you get for a pregnant alligator anyway?"
SANDY
"I dunno, maybe a pretty pink one?"
BRIAN
"Oh God!"
scene close
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